Monday, December 27, 2004

Public transport and irritants.

I hate taking public transport. Most people around me know this because I simply can't stand how inconsiderate and boorish some commuters are.

To the crowd on the platform at Jurong East MRT Interchange:

Please do not block the doors. If people can't get off, you can't get in either because there simply isn't enough room on the damn train. Just fucking stand on both sides and wait.

Please stop jostling. No matter how you push and force your way through the patient crowd (read: me), you WILL STILL not get a good standing nor sitting place on the crowded train. End of story. So stop pushing or I'll bloody stab you in the neck.

To the fat chick next to me on the 170 bus when I was standing:

Girl, no matter how intellectual you want others to believe you are, refrain from reading WHILE standing on a crowded bus. Please grab hold of the poles or handles. I hate it when your entire weight shifts and crashes onto me. My frail body cannot take this kind of abuse, not when I just recovered from tonsillitis. And if you really want to appear intellectual, go read or hold onto some really classic and foreign looking materials, like french newspaper or a collection of 16th century french poetry.

And if you really have to read on the bus, please consider the situation you are in before embarking on such a image publicity stunt. Read only when

1) you have a seat,
2) you have to memorise and translate the abovementioned 16th century french poems to save your entire family, whose lives are in the evil clutches of a french drug lord/mafia.

Otherwise please hide your copy of "The Dark Highlander". It doesn't appears to be very impressive when you are reading about Highlanders. Stupid shit.

To the minah-looking chinese ah lian next to me when I got a seat:

Stop fucking fling your hair in my direction. I do not like your hair being flung in my face. I know it's brown-streaked and maybe rebonded, but I seriously do not give a flying fuck about your hair. You beware that someone might just yank your hair out one day because you fling it in his/her face. You hear it from here first.

Stop trying to lean your weight on me while trying to peer outside at the traffic. Don't assume that I am part of the seat nor I do not mind you leaning on me. I am not part of the seat and I do mind. Especially when you stink and your hair keeps brushing up and down my right arm. I do not like that. Throughout the entire ride, I was thinking of how to write this down on my blog, and how to cause you the grievous bodily harm that you rightly deserve.

Stop irritating me or I'll really cause you such grievous bodily harm that your family has to identify you from your spotty dental records. Mark my word, minah-looking ah lian.


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