Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Hitchiker's Guide to My Galaxy.

I live on a planet in the Solar Galaxy. It is believed to be the only planet capable of sustaining life. It's called, primarily made up of water...

Sheesh I'm not even sure that came out right.. solar galaxy? huh? Gotta ask some primary school kids on this. I seriously do not remember if the above paragraph is correct. Do not remember that for any exams. I kid you not.

I've decided to reflect on my life, whatever you want to call it. A brief guide for everyone and a word of caution: it's not pretty.

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Anyway I'm at this point in life (mid twenties, gasp!) where I'm stuck in an office, staring at the computer screen wondering what the flying fish I'm doing with my life. I don't want to turn out like my bigot of a supervisor. Stuck in a deadend job, brainwashed and a religious fanatic at that.

Didn't I set out to join the greatest gaming/movie company ever when I first chose my degree? Didn't I promise myself that I'll see my name at the end credits of a game/movie? My second greatest (ok.. backup) dream was to join the fashion industry and sweep everyone off the Manolo-cladded feet. But until they start hiring people with a Computer Engin. degree, I'm sure as hell screwed.

What the heck has happened to all that?

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I seriously feel rather dejected and indignant. Dejected cuz my life hasn't gotten anywhere at this current stage (ie. not a millionaire yet) and indignant cuz my pesky colleagues dared to lecture me on family planning.

pesky colleague: so do you intend to have kids when you get married?
me: *what the heck face* erm nope.
pesky colleague: why? no wonder SINGAPORE'S birth rate is falling.. it's because girls like you refuse to have babies.
me: **double the effect of "what the heck" face** Errr... because of the pain?
pesky colleague: wah if your parents think that way, then you won't be here today.

What the giant flying effin' fish is that all about??!?!?!?
(Note: I lurve giant flying effin' fish. I'm not dissing any fish in particular.)

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I lack a life. Period. Between commuting back and forth m'sia and s'pore for working purposes, I hardly go anywhere because:

1) I'm far too tired. Try waking up at 6am everyday.
2) I'm not paid for my internship. Sponging off parents at the very moment.
3) I do not like to take public transport. Unless you are willing to send me anywhere in a car, I do not wish to step out of the house and into the hellish heat outside.
4) I don't really know what to do when I go out.

Isn't that just plain sad?

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Hmm.. congrats on getting so far.. Well you have read about the sad/depressing stuff mostly and I have decided to CHANGE that image! Let me show you that I'm actually a contented being with nothing but everything to be thankful for.

First off, I'm rather healthy. Sure I haven't moved a bit since I graduated from junior college. And I think it was the last PE lesson sometime in July 2000. Oh well. I'm healthy in the sense that, I'm not suffering from cancer or any other deadly diseases. Till I go for my next medical. I'm not morbidly obese, though rather prosperous in the middle section at this very moment. It could be the 2 red bean buns, noodles and tea I had a while ago.

I have friends. Well, mostly from my pre-uni years. University is just so... different. I mean, I've basically uprooted myself to another continent. 4 years.. a little too fleeting to make any close friends, isn't it? (2 yrs of JC is different la, and don't you bring that up)

I mean, I'm gonna leave them as soon as I graduate right? They are definitely not going to lay down their lives for me, are they? *ponders for a moment* =/

Oh... *reminds self* I'm a contented person... riiight riiight. Moving on!

I have my family, who somehow thinks that I'm incapable of murder, even if they witness it themselves. They would think that the guy must have provoked me and in reality, he would be this huge baddie that by killing him brutally, I'm actually saving the world by killing crooks one at a time. Sweeeeeet.... Well I have a nagging feeling they dote on my brother more, but for self-delusional purposes, I believe they like us both equally. No point crying and being sore about this, eh?

Oh relationship-wise, I have someone who adores me just as much when he sees me without any forms of makeup/cosmetic illusion/when I'm breaking out in zits/when my thunder thighs are.. thundering for a lack of a better word. Wow, isn't that amazing?

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Guide:

What makes me happy: see "What makes me unhappy" and don't do any of those.

What makes me unhappy:
1) long distance economy class flight tickets
2) nagging
3) preaching
4) being poor
5) suffocating environment
6) zits
7) bigotry
8) foul stench from the banglas or malay factory workers
9) rowdy children. Makes me wanna smack them right there and then.
10) unconstructive criticisms
11) any forms of failure
12) backstabbing me
13) negative unforeseen circumstances
14) flab
15) alcohol deficiency

It's a short list. I won't bother to continue since there are so much more things out there that piss me off. *shrug* I'll keep you posted.

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Can't think of anything now. Anyway I'm announcing the launch of "My Friends of 2005". Recruitment starts now. Interested parties please contact me. I won't be conducting any recruitment drives. Come and don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity!*

Shhhhhhheeeeeeeeshhhhhhhh.
Gotta go back to 'work'. Boss approaching. Over and out.


*Hello Kitty soft toys not included in membership.



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