Saturday, May 28, 2005

Stagnant, procrastination and the girl no one remembers.

I want a change. Actually I think it's time for a change.

I've been looking the way I do now for years and if you haven't seen me for a long time, say 4 years, I still look the same. I still have the same haircut (despite telling the hairdresser to cut it differently), I still more or less dress the same, I still have my glasses and yes, I'm still of the same height.

I see people around me progressing, moving forward. They have new outlooks on life, new hobbies, new friends, new images and new jobs. New everything. I'm still the same old person 4 years ago. It's a little discomforting to see everyone moving forward while you are still the same place you were 4 years ago.

I feel so left behind. The girl no one notices or remembers.

The thing is, I want to change. I've been wanting to change for ages. Then again, I procrastinate. I just can't help but convince myself "I can always change a month later. It's not that urgent". My contact lenses are somewhere in the house. I haven't worn them more than 10 times in the last 4 years simply because I'm lazy. I used to wear them daily when I was home, getting up at least 20 minutes earlier to put them on. Now I'm just lazy beyond words.

I don't really take the effort to dress (nicely) anymore. T-shirts and jeans, complete with a jacket. Almost everyday for the past 4 years, blending effortlessly into the campus background. Blending so perfectly that I'm the wallpaper and you can't tell me apart from the regular jeans-wearing student anymore.

Sometimes I just hate myself for being so regular.

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