Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Leaving, missing someone, right time for confessions and drowning.

My friend is going back to Singapore and I'm going to miss him loads.

I can't deal with losses. Losses and I don't go so well together.

We've been good friends for so long and I was so glad when he decided to come over to Aussieland for his studies. Though I'm on the east coast and he's on the west, I could call or message him out of the blue because we were conveniently on the same continent. I'm using past tense here because I feel like he's already gone. But now that he's going home, all the nonsensical calls and sms-es will come to a stop.

I miss him already.

I miss him so much I want to cry. =(

But you can't really tell a guy you miss him. Despite being great pals for over 6 years now, I have never really said "I miss you" to him at all. Or any of my guy friends as well. Really. It's like, phrases of endearment and anything that suggests attachment do not sit well with the male population. I can almost see the uncomfortable twitch at the corner of his lips and the "oooh you shouldn't have said that" cringe.

Are they incapable of handling such outward expressions of love*?

"Don't know why I'm still afraid, if you weren't real I would make you up now."


On another note, when is a good time to tell buddies of yours that you had this thing for them (them= I had a thing for a few people =X) a long long time ago? Because being the great friends that all of us are, I don't want to be the greatest goon by 'fessing up 5 years too late. Well, I did 'fessed up once and it went ok, I guess. The feedback mainly consisted of "Wow, really? When was that? How come you didn't tell me back then?" kinda questions.

I mean, if I could tell him back then without facing the massive humiliation of immediate rejection and isolation, I would. What kinda question is that, "How come you didn't tell me back then?" Furthermore he was into this other girl(s) in school. Basically it was me watching him watching that girl, while I silently and slowly died inside. Major heartache. Oh well.

Anyway that guy isn't really speaking to me much anymore (he said he was busy with school, yeah we all know what THAT means) and sometimes I wonder if I made a bad move.

I think I've said enough for a day. Back to drowning in my thesis report.

* Friends-level love. "I love my friends" kinda love. Just so you don't confuse it with "I am so in love with you" kinda love.

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