Saturday, December 10, 2005

I'm home.

I'm sitting at my home now, typing this as we speak.

It's an odd feeling, the strange sense of familiarity. I know where all my things are, since nothing is changed. However, this strange sense of familiarity does not comfort me, instead it makes me choke with a huge sense of loss.

My friends. My freedom. My life.
I miss my life. My life in Sydney.

Today at the airport, I've never felt so alone and such despair. The thought of boarding the plane for home is so depressing, I swear it felt like I was crying on the inside. I hugged my friends goodbye today, smiling and saying all the usual "I'll see you soon" words.

Even when my last friend left me at the airport, when all I wanted to do was to hug him and bawl my eyes out. The fact is, I held back and just smiled.

I don't really know how to describe how I feel now. Except that I just want to be alone and cry buckets. But crying now doesn't seem to be an option, since I'm now surrounded by family who probably will not understand the immense grief.

I'm not comfortable voicing such feelings with my family. There simple is no point confiding in them, so don't tell me that "oh, your family will understand."

You have no idea how much I miss you.

I want to go back to Sydney so I won't have to cry my eyes out.

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