Sunday, April 30, 2006


I just heard bad news at 8pm this evening.

He has just been fired.

The jackass has single-handedly ruined my reputation, career plans, relationships and another person's career.

Right now, I hate the jackass more than anything in the world.

Right now, I just feel like crying more than anything in the world.

Low on gas, hates guessing, lawsuit and overkill.

After my Phuket post, I sort of ran low on gas to continue writing more about my travel stories. You see, it’s just too exhausting to try and recall what I did months ago when I clearly have problem recalling what I had for lunch 2 hours ago.

Not to mention organising all the photos for the post!

I’ll just take a breather, write about really, really boring events and things you guys have no interests in before jumping headlong and labouring on my next travel story. It may take a while.

And I will like to extend a warm welcome to my 1st Iranian reader!

I don’t know how you got here, or whether you will EVER be here again after reading my tirade (or lackthereof). But, welcome and thanks for stopping by.

And yup, I did mention about the job interview I was going to on THAT afternoon (Wednesday). I am not sure how it went. Don’t roll your eyes, because if I don’t know, no one will know how ok it went. Well, besides the interviewer.

I always hate guessing what’s on the other person’s mind. My psychic powers don't really work 24/7 and sometimes they can go wrong too. Sure I may have sucked at answering questions that I have no idea about, and being the person I am, I read a lot into a person’s questions before I answer it as best as I can without the use of voodoo or threats to him/her/myself. What sort of question is, “What are your interests?”

I blinked and I asked, “Do you mean my general interests?” and after the nod, I tried my best to paint a picture of a widely traveled individual with an extensive range of hobbies. “Your interests in computing.”

Oh. God. Fuck.

Lord, I wish all this is funny.

What the heck is wrong with these guys? If you want to know that, just make your question direct. And don’t nod when you have no idea what I’m saying!

He asked about when I could start work, and expected salary. (Zippedeedoodah! He wants to hire me!) And he ended the interview by telling he would send me an application form to his company. Part of the procedure, he said. And it’s Sunday today and I haven’t seen nothing from that man. (Apparently not.)

Talk about sending mixed messages.

So I’m still very much unemployed and extremely broke.

Not very cool for someone who wants to globetrot.


In other stories happening around the world, a woman got paddled at her job! She sued and she won US$1.7 million dollars in punitive damages. Way to go, woman!

Woman spanked at work awarded $1.7 million
Alarm company employee found camaraderie-building exercise humiliating

-- Associated Press
Updated: 8:16 p.m. ET April 28, 2006

Camaraderie building exercise? Forced to wear diapers while your colleagues hurl jokes (I call that verbal abuse) at you? Seriously how is THAT going to build solidarity within the company? To break it down, it is no different from jocks having fun by harassing the geeks in school.

[I know I’m getting a little off tangent but bear with me. It’s probably the coffee talking. Yeah, I'm just finding something else to blame my abysmal writing and lack of coherent thought on.]


I’m still reading the book Masi got me. “America – A Citizen’s Guide To Democracy Inaction” by Jon Stewart.

I told you I love the guy.

And by now, everyone knows Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” is going to be screened at your local theatres on 18 May 2006. The relentless advertising, both on tv and the radio, is killing me.

“So dark the con of man.”

Yeah, all the studio execs just can't wait to milk the movie for all its worth.

Not to mention all the press coverage it is getting BEFORE the movie hits big screen. The Opus Dei wants a disclaimer added [read about it here], an official from the Vatican wants people to boycott the movie [read about it here], and radio talkshows organizing their own hunt and code cracking competitions so winners get to go visit Musee du Louvre [can't find the link].

Not to admire the majestic works of the masters. More to look at which cubicle Robert Langdon hid in.

It is overkill.

It's like Tom Cruise. I used to idolise the guy (Maverick!!).

"You can be my wingman anytime."
"You can be mine."

That has never sounded more gay. Anyhoo, after he did the whole couch-jumping, knocking up Katie Holmes (now known as Kate Holmes because Tom "I'm in control" Cruise thinks "Katie" is such a girl's name), mud-slung psychiatry and all the crazy over-the-top antics, I rather die than to watch MI:3.

It's true. There's so much bad press about him (even though it has nothing to do with me and I shouldn't really care), that I start to doubt if he's sane. I cringe when he gets on tv, and I don't think I want to sit through 2-3 hours' of him on the big screen. Just to be reminded of all that craziness.

[And yes, I do have the amazing ability to zone out and link unrelated things together.]

They say any publicity is good publicity. Sometimes, bad publicity is JUST bad publicity. End of story.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Working on a yacht, Patong, Langkawi and diving at Kho Surin.

For the most of February, I had been a good girl and stayed home. Jo was back, and I went out with her to do one of our favourite girly things: shopping. Not to mention lamenting about the sad sad fact that we had to spend Valentine's Day alone. Even when we are attached.

Sigh.. the reality of life, and geographical differences.

In March, I went to work on a boat for 3 weeks! It was totally fabulous, since it is a great opportunity for me to work AND see the world. Just the way I love it.

Was supposed to go to the Andaman Sea for fishing, but in the end we pulled out due to unfavourable fishing conditions. Stayed around Phuket's Phang Nga area and all those picturesque idyllic islands. Kho Phi Phi, Kho Surin, Similan Islands etc...

-- One of the bays near Patong Beach.

They were just beautiful.

I stepped onto a small beautiful island. I forgot the name, but during low tide, you can WALK to the neighbouring island! Some people were doing snorkelling there, and being the part time "tour guide" (because I spoke Mandarin), thank heavens I didn't drive my jetski through the shallow area. I could have killed some poor snorklers. Eek.

There was a swing on this island. The old rustic kind. The type someone tied onto a tree years ago with a wooden plank for a seat. We sat there while the guests swam and baked under the sun. It was just beautiful.

-- The island with the wooden swing.

I tried my hand at driving the tender. It was fun, despite the gear being awfully difficult to manoeuvre. Or it could be just me, and my feeble arm with zero strength to push that thing. I should exercise more. *Ponders for a second* Maybe not. I'm too lazy for that.

I had a day off when I was at Patong, and we drove around the area in a rented car.

-- Map of Patong Beach.

Click here for this really detailed map.,208

I'll tell you where to go for your coffee, ice-cream, pad thai and beer fix.

[Don't get me started on how "punctual" car rental services are at Patong.] We stopped at this lookout point and many people took photos there! I could see why. You can see all 3 adjoining beaches from here!

Fantastic view. The boat I worked on was at the 3rd beach in the picture. Not that you can see the boat anyway.

Went go-karting with J. In the heat no less. After 40 minutes of driving round and round the circuit, I got sunburnt on my shoulders. It's like a hamster running on the wheel, that thing is repetitive! I know how F1 drivers feel like now. It was fun, and I didn't run over any small kids on the track.

-- Didn't buy the video they took of me driving. And I got this photo somewhere.

And it was only when we drove out of the go-kart place, that we saw the ATV circuit NEXT door. #*$&@^@)#%@^@)#%

It was great, and Patong being this touristy place, is a great place to people watch. Cheap beer (60 baht for a cold Heineken!) and great food al fresco... it's the ONLY way to go at Patong. And cheap fake clothes too. T-shirts, bags, dvds, shoes and watches. Anything a tourist can buy, you can get it there. Saw fake Birkenstocks going for 400 baht.

Crap. Made mine seemed so overpriced and so not worth every penny. Fark.

-- Bangla Road.

Where all the clubs, pubs and sleaze are. Trannys at night. Must-see when you get to Patong. Well, just don't follow them into the alleys. Eek.

Patong is a great place to visit if you love your sun, sea and sand. And cheap beer. Plenty of things to do like jetski, para-sailing, sunbathe, swim, dive, snorkel etc. Or just veg out at the spas and resorts, sipping ice cold cocktails. It's great to people watch in Patong Beach as well, and with great food and company, there's nowhere else you rather be.

Well, maybe somewhere with shade and/or air-conditioning.

-- Would love to stay in a resort bungalow overlooking the beach. With air-conditioning.

When we were at Patong beach, there were some yachts and boats around us as well. Star Cruise Dunno-what-its-name was there as well, and it arrives once a week carrying boatloads of tourists. The nearest yacht I could photograph was Lady Orient.

Pretty cool, since it was trying to launch its tender into the water using their own crane. You don't see this everyday. Well, not if you are in the yachting industry.

Sailed to Langkawi to refuel. It's a dutyfree port, so booze and electrical appliances are dutyfree! Many of the crew bought stuff. And I had a day off there as well, and this time I RENTED A CAR and drove around the friggin' island!

I've never felt so proud of myself.

Went to every tourist spot on the island. [we got a list of tourist attraction from the reception at the yacht club.] Never knew Langkawi had a cable car place, nor some Burnt Rice Paddy, nor a paintball place, nor snake farm (Ewww...) and plenty of other places. Trekked through the nature reserve in my birks (big mistake. Reason? Bugs.) just to see the Temurun Waterfall, and visited every friggin' beach on the island. Very beautiful.

-- Temurun Waterfall. People who wants a look at the trek through the nature reserve, IM me.

We were quite bummed out about not being able to get on the cable car at 6pm to watch sunset together. It would be soooooo romantic. It's just so foolish of the cable car operator to shut down service at 6pm. If I run that place, I would have this special package operating from 6pm onwards. View of the sunset, champagne and chocolate coated strawberries. Langkawi would be THE place with the most number of marriage proposals!

But then, that's just my business money-grubbing side talking.

I was every bit the foreigner like everyone else, despite being 100% Malaysian. The island can be quite boring if you don't take a car and explore every single bit of it. I am so glad we took the risk and drove around all day.

[Well, the 100% Malaysian bit may change when I apply for Australian PR. When I have the moolah of course.]

[Psycho Phil, the part you want to read about is coming up. Stay tuned.]

More guests came onboard when we went back to Phuket, and I was offered the chance to dive! But, like everyone on God's green earth knows, I do not have a diving license. Was quite bummed out, until the divemaster agreed to give me a crash course on diving! It's like those resort course or something and I couldn't be bothered to find out what the exact name was.

-- Drying out the dive gear after use

Had my lesson in shallow waters of Kho Surin. The water was warm and crystal clear. Practised putting the mouthpiece in water, putting on BCD and all that jazz. Stupid weight belt was too big for me. Had to tie a knot. Farking hell. I even practised the coolio [in my humble opinion] backflip into the water entry method!

-- Training ground!

-- My tank! The one with the pink tab, of course. And my neatly folded clothes.

And thank god we were practising in shallow waters, because my tank ran out of oxygen. Yes you read it right. Somehow it ran out, or leaked. We still don't know. J, exasperated, was looking at me, "Girl, you have to BREATHE through the mouthpiece when you are UNDERWATER." Man, was he shocked when he read my gauge.

Changed the tank and off I went! My first dive had been pretty uncomfortable in the beginning. I couldn't equalise and my ears hurt like no tomorrow. Finally got it right, and we went diving! J, being my dive partner, was very patient with me. Held my hand throughout the entire time when we were diving. Saw a stingray, and the corals were so beautiful. Fish swam all around the corals, and they were so colorful!

Dived again the next day. Saw many Nemos! Nemo had been busy. ;) I was surrounded by a school of tiny silver fish, and the way they glimmered when they swam around me was so mesmerising. Definitely another National Geographic moment for me. Saw moray eels, sea turtles, more stingrays and striped yellow fishies (don't know the names of all the fish) all around.

-- Mesmerizing silver fishies.

I am swooning again. I totally dig scuba diving. Everyone should try it if they can. It is just too exciting and fascinating to see the underwater world.

"I'll take you diving one day."

And yup, he finally took me diving, like he promised last December. =)

-- We sailed off into the sunset right after. Yeah right. I wish.

Please don't let me clam up.

It's 10.40am now and my interview is at 4pm.

I'm nervous now. I hope I don't clam up.

I need a job. Please don't let me clam up, or worse, spout nonsense when I get nervous.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Gmail, Outlook Express and downloads timing out.

I feel like causing grievous bodily harm to the next person who comes up to me and irritates the living daylight out of me.

Well, I'm usually the nice person who's not at all violent in any way. But because it's now 3.13pm, I'm getting cranky. Simply because I haven't been able to download my emails properly since 10am this morning.

Sometimes I just hate lousy internet connection.

On paper, it says that I am using ADSL and that's supposed to be a hell lot faster than prehistoric dial-up, right? But why is it acting up like a spoilt child who's been denied from the single scoop of ice-cream he so badly wants?!

[Ok, I'm not sure how that describes the situation, but it just came to my head and my fingers just typed what the brain wanted it to. Don't ask me. I have no idea too. I feel like some chocolate ice-cream now though.]

It's only a 10Mb attachment (the guy who sent this, you know who you are) and everytime Outlook Express downloads it, it times out, citing server problems, ISP problems or "long periods of inactivity".

Long periods of inactivity, my ass.

I'm pretty sure if I'm hooked up to dial-up and leaving it on to download my mail since 10am, I will be able to download the mail in its entirety by now.

-- Stupid ADSL, Outlook Express, Gmail etc...

God is probably testing my patience. I mean, if there ever is a God in the first place. He's definitely bored out of His skull and messing with me. I'm about 78% sure of that.

Mumble mumble.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Irrelevant quizzes.

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy.
You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself.
Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in.
People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal.

You are most compatible with: A and AB

Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hitler

Your 2005 Song Is

Hung Up by Madonna

"Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you"

You'll be rockin' in the New Year in your croch-o-tard!


Totally irrelevant quizzes, I know. Just had to do something more lightweight after posting that long-ass LA post. I'm 98% done with writing about my sailing trip. Sailing post should be up anytime today or tomorrow. I'm just thinking about when I should post it so I don't have to write anything that day.

The thing is, I still have more to write about my other adventures, shopping etc... And I have a job interview on Wednesday that I have not prepared. Feck. What have I gotten myself into??!?!
I'm shy, I don't fit it, somewhat like Hitler and I sing "I'm hung up on youuuuuuu..." on New Year's Eve.

Coolio. Coolio, indeed.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Incomplete adventures in LA, Vegas and how I can't remember.

It's not my first time in the United States, and I hope it won't be my last either.
Simply because I have a Multiple Entry Visa that won't expire for another 5-8 years.

Flown in to LA from Singapore, and the long-haul flight was just sheer torture. I was surrounded by inconsiderate passengers, reclining their seat so far back that the tray table was squashed between the effin seat and my body.

Not cool at all.

-- Wish I was that comfy during the flight.

Not to mention the fact that our flight was DELAYED at bloody Narita Airport because of a snow storm. It was so bad, and the ground crew had so much mixed instructions and red tape that we were kept in the plane for about 4 hours without food and air-conditioning. The captain requested the ground crew for food, but apparently, all food went to the passengers from numerous cancelled flights trapped at Narita.

-- Car buried in snow. Taken by Volker in Switzerland, not by me. But you get how bad it was.

People were sleeping on the ground, and with limited sleeping bags, we saw many who went without. It was just chaotic. And in the lounge, people were making calls furiously to make arrangements for hotel, transport and calling up friends and family to tell them of the delay.

I was cold, tired, dirty (needed a shower after such a long flight), hungry and just plain irritated by the yelling people around me.

[Enough bitching. Back to normal travelogue transmission.]

This time, the LA trip was interesting. Disneyland, Universal Studios etc. I didn't visit those theme parks since I've been to them the last couple of times I was in LA. Went to visit Warner Brothers' Studio instead. Masi was working on set, so we decided to go have a tour and visit him at work. It was just quite cool to see him at his workplace.

Of course we toured the open set of Gilmore Girls. Bro went crazy at the dvd store. And we visited the closed set of Friends! Took a few photos of Central Perk.

The famous couch.

The famous menu.

The famous counter where Gunther worked.


Went to watch a NBA game at Staples Center.

We missed the game where Kobe Bryant of LA Lakers scored a whopping 81 points in a single game. The second highest number of points scored by a player in any single game in NBA HISTORY.

Kobe makes records wilt
By Royce Webb,
Updated: Jan. 23, 2006, 8:39 PM ET

We got our tickets from a ticketing agency, and we got farking ripped off! They charged us service charge that equaled the price of all the tickets. So we paid double! @#*&@($#

The first and the last time we'll EVER get seats from such agencies.

We got good seats, like 3rd row from the court. Awesome view. Watched LA Clippers played New Jersey Nets.

-- Pre-game court

Gawd, it was boring me to death. I fell asleep at some point. Not that I do not enjoy da game, it was just that the 2 teams were playing sooo fecking atrociously, it wasn't worth watching from game 2 onwards.


Flew to Las Vegas. Awesome awesome jet behind me.

The Strip from above!


Took pictures outside the Madame Tussaud's at The Venetian. That's Princess Di, and it would be quite a shock (and honour) if she's real.

-- Gawd, I'm short.

I didn't take pictures in the casino (gambled at Wynn). It was my time sitting at the table. And with my kinda luck, I was winning big bucks ($800) with my measly (right..) capital of $200. And again, with my kind of luck, I lost all of it. Including my capital of $200. I don't really want to think about my gambling incident anymore.

I think I need a GIANT 4 leaf clover with me, horseshoe, or a leprechaun if I can get one. I need to up my luck!


Went to dinner at the small, inconspicuous Jap restaurant at Studio City. It's one of those yet-to-be-discovered awesome places in LA. Authentic Japanese food. And the baby spinach and mushroom salad? To die for. Just orgasmic. The salad alone makes the long drive from LA city to Studio City worth it. Every cursed minute wasted during the congestion is worth it.

Of course, the trip to the Land of the free will never be complete with me gluing my eyes to the telly. Comedy Central being my favourite channel. I put in on in my room, and in my bathroom. That's how much I love it. And I only watch Jon Stewart.

And Steven Colbert.

Love them!

Witty snarky political shows, that pokes fun of all things politics. Doesn't get any better than that.

Masi got me my favourite book, and it has made me happy. Well, the shopping at Rodeo Drive and Las Vegas made me happy too. Loved the Marc Jacobs store at Melrose. I felt like I've visited a mini mecca this year.

[Main mecca? Paris. Milan. London.]

I haven't finished reading the book, and I intend to get on it asap. =)

Ok, I think I sound too mechanical in this post. I can't help it because it's been 3 months and I'm trying to remember what happened based on the photos I have. Most of the excitement and regretably, my impression of this trip has been worn away by urm.. mundane things like me remembering to charge my cellphone later.

Very sad, I know.

Marriage proposals.

Before you jump to any conclusions, NO I'm not getting married and no one has popped the question yet.

[I wrote this post LAST November when I was still in Sydney. I never got around to posting it, don't know why. But with the most awesome news I got last night from my dearest soulmate in London, I think it's time this post sees the light of day.]

But if you are interested in getting me a wedding gift, fear not. Just email me and we'll work up a list. Just so that I don't get 2 toasters on THE Day. It's not happening yet so you have plenty of time to think about it.

Anyway I read an article on my mag which was on the topic of marriage proposals. Most people imagine that it will be all the romantic stuff they watch on tv.

The romantic dinner where you 2 look all dressy and nice. The soft violin playing in the background. The tiny box that suddenly appears on the table. Him looking at you. Getting down on one knee and giving an Oscar winning speech. You nodding your head and him slipping the ring on your finger.

Yes, the whole fancy schmancy show.

But it's not longer like this anymore. The question just gets asked in the most unromantic moment. Like while you are folding laundry, and he just casually looks away from the telly because the advertisement is on, TELLING you "Wanna get hitched?" or "Woman, let's make this legal."

And that's before the soccer match resumes on tv.

I have a few questions about this too. I mean, do people really buy a ring and get down on one knee in public? Because I think it's rather embarassing, for both the guy and the girl. At least that's how I would think should this happen. If the speech/serenade isn't up to scratch and you actually cringe (on the inside), should you live this down?

And the ring. Is it me, or has anyone notice that on tv, people ALWAYS get the ring in the RIGHT size and the precious stone is exactly what the girl wants? How is that remotely possible if the guy hasn't done any jewelry shopping with the woman, and at crunch time he gets the sparkler in the RIGHT size and in the RIGHT cut?

I am baffled.

Do guys have a guide book to all this? Like, "Dude, where to buy a ring?"

Or do the womenfolk secretly leave clues like, sticking a post-it flag on the magazine where the Tiffany & Co. ad is, and leaving the magazine 'innocently' next to his 'space'?

Or putting Tiffany & Co. website as their homepage?

I know the whole process kills the surprise factor, BUT would you rather say yes to an UGLY ring, than to one that you like?

"I would love to say yes. But can we swap for another ring before I do that?"

This KILLS everything. So....

Conclusion: It's better to leave clues than to get something hideous and expensive.

p.s. Looking at the little blue box just makes me so happy.

p.p.s. I'm so happy for you, Soulmate!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Taking my mind off things, travel adventures and worst fears realized.

In order to take my mind off things, I've decided to write about my travel adventures.

[This will only be something to remind me of the wondrous times I had, and it's in no way accurate. By that I mean, some of the history of the places are hearsay from the tour guide. I call it hearsay because I wasn't paying attention and my iPod earphones were plugged into my ears most of the time. And I've just forgotten important bits of it. Like which year the Joseon Dynasty ended. I have no clue, dude.]

I've been away for much for 2006 (it's April now), and I don't really know where to start. Maybe I shall begin chronologically. Last Christmas saw me in the Montebello Islands, Karratha. And in January, I went to LA and Vegas. February... I think I was home. March saw me do my sailing thing. Convocation in April and I just got back from Korea.

That's quite a few posts already. Not to mention posts on shopping. =/

We'll see how it goes.


I have tried to take my mind off things, but everyday bad news just gets to me. Like at the crack of dawn, most of my worst fears have been realized.

We are 90% certain he's getting fired. He talks about getting a new job, and I can only give him all my support. With a new job, he will be based in the Med, Fort Lauderdale or some far off places.

And we won't see each other. 2-3 times a year if we're lucky, but that's the way these things go.

I'm both sad and angry now.

The jackass won in the end.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Just a clarification, and trying to move on.

I know my posts of late have been rather negative and worrying. It's just that I am in no mood of writing anything frivolous. And this place being my only outlet, I see no point in putting up pretenses, sounding all chirpy and happy when I feel so disappointed and depressed.

Shit has happened. And in light of recent events, I have seen who my friends are, and who are the people I can go to when I need support, help and love most. It's both sad and heartening.

Sad because people whom you thought you can count on, are not exactly there for you. Heartening, because true friends stick around, believe in you and don't question your character and integrity in times like this.

For all that, I am grateful.

This blog has evolved. It used to be about campus life, my life in Australia and the interesting sights I see. My greatest crush from college life. My friends and boyfriend. Not to mention the fact that I gush about all my shopping and latest craze simply because I cannot contain my excitement and joy.

And now, all I can think and probably write about is how much my life sucks.

I'm still unemployed. I need the money to get out of this hellhole.

And like the most frequent words of support I get (besides "delayed gratification", courtesy of Robert from NJ), "Things will look up soon. Keep your chin up and all good things in the world will come your way."

I sure hope so, my dears. I sure hope so.

In the meantime, I will try not to bitch so much about backstabbers and jackasses.

And maybe I should start writing about my diving trip, the one that Psycho Phil wants to read about. And my convocation. And my crazy adventures in the land of Da Chang Jin, kimchi, plastic surgery and DMZ.

Please keep me in all your prayers. I need all the support and love I can get.

And that includes you, God. Don't leave me here alone.

Monday, April 17, 2006

I hate this place, need a job and I want to move.

I am feeling so awful right now, I cannot begin to describe anything.

The feeling of your family doubting you is just so... wrong.
The feeling of people gossiping behind our back, painting you as this easy person is just so... painful.
The feeling of no one believing in you? It's dejecting.

It has finally come to this. I have layed out my cards on table and I don't really give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks and says anymore. I mean, what is the point of trying to explain myself when no one believes it? When your own family chooses to believe an old fart instead of you, you know the time has come.

When someone has a vendetta against another, and pulls you in to get rid of someone, that's wrong. Betraying your trust and friendship, and basically painting you as a harlot and making people question your character JUST SO that he can have at go at another guy, that's just very wrong.

I've had enough of this place.

People, let me know if you know of any job openings and/or places for rent in your neighbourhood.

I have a goal now, and it is to be financially independent. And I'm moving away from this horrible horrible place where everyone has nothing better to do than to start vicious rumours about you. A place where even your family rather believes some stranger than their own family member.

There is nothing anyone can say that can change my mind. This whole fucking Singapore/ Malaysia being "home" thing, it's bullshit. How can you call it home, when no one believes in you and everyone is giving running commentaries about how you live your life?

This is not where I want to be.

I have had enough. I do not deserve this.

And once I have enough money, I'm moving back to Australia where I so belong. Mark my words.

You read it here first.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Convocation, Sydney airport and Langkawi.

Hey all, I'm currently using the free wireless service at Sydney airport and it feels great to connect with civilization again!

Gmails, MSN Messenger and Blogger etc... the immense overwhelming joy is undescribable.

I won't try and waste any more time typing nonsense here. Will spend the rest of my time chatting with my Big Fish on MSN Messenger. See you guys in a week!

And Psycho Phil, I didn't lose control of my bowels on stage.


The second time I went to Langkawi. One of the most memorable times of my twenties. Thus far.

I rented a car and drove around the entire friggin' island. It was fun since I know jack about the area and Bahasa Melayu. Got pulled over by the cops to check my ID because of the passenger I was carrying.

Drove around to many of the beautiful beaches around the island. We stopped. I parked, and went for a stroll on the beach. The sand wasn't as fine as Phuket's but the place was still beautiful.

I picked up a pretty shell during our stroll. It is tiny, and not as spectacular as the clam shell (with corals growing on it) he got for me.

But to me, it is a sweet reminder of the happy times we had at Langkawi.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Convocation is in 48 hours' time.

I am officially panicking now.

What if I step on my gown and fall face flat?
What if I shake the Chancellor's hand and DROP my testamur?
What if I have a panic attack and just lose all control of my bowels? (I really hope not...)

Oh god oh god oh god.

Disastrous week, and au revoir again.

This week had been rather disastrous.

I was backstabbed, and embroiled in some petty fight between some people. Basically, our lives had been on the line since 1pm Monday afternoon. I cried at the drop of a hat, and he was just stunned. This was the worst possible outcome for us.

The crisis had been diffused, but my globetrotting dreams have been dashed. So right now, the least I can do is to find a job and be financially independent, so I will no longer have to put up with all that crap that's being hurled my way.

Right now, I need a job.
A place for me to move out to once I get the job.

And then I won't have to put up with attitude for every single thing I do.

My only solace? He understands, and is giving me the support, courage and strength I need.

Anyway I'm leaving for Sydney tonight, going back for my convocation. And I won't be back till 16 April. You guys know how to reach me. That's IF you want to reach me.

Life sucks.

I can't wait for the day I leave this hellhole.

Monday, April 03, 2006

I hate to choose.

Love is a tricky thing. Especially when it puts you at odds with your family.

I hate having to choose between the 2.

This person may be my future, while my entire clan IS going to be my past, present and future.

What shall I do?

I hate being made use of.

I hate being made use of.

Especially because of my position, and people stir up shit to get back at someone JUST because we are close friends.

Do you know that your cowardly move is causing me tremendous amount of pain? Not to mention it's ruining my relationship with my family. And my career plans.

Do you know that your despicable move is costing someone's job?

Do you know that I despise you, more than anything else in the world?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Meltdown, life in a mess and things are often easier said than done.

I know Psycho Phil has demanded a 1500 words essay on my yachting/diving escapade for the past 20 days that I was gone, but at this very moment (or the next few months or so), I can't bring myself to do it.

Sorry Psycho Phil, but life is rather difficult at the moment. What with my love life, career and family all in a mess. People, the shit has officially hit the fan. And trust me, there's more shit coming this way. The storm has barely started and I'm facing a meltdown.

Should I do something I totally dislike so as to please everyone, or should I just disappoint my entire clan by choosing something I love?

Am I making my decision because of him, or because I truly love what I do?

Are we going to go the distance, or is this another relationship doomed from the start?

Everyday since I got home (29/04/06) I plague myself with these questions. Things are beginning to get me down, and I'm feeling so down and out. I cry uncontrollably when no one is looking. I smile and put up a brave and cheery front when my family is around, or when he calls me.

Seriously, who can I talk to? Not my family at this juncture, nooooooo. I've confided in a few friends, and the consensus is

Do what makes you happy. You're old enough to decide for yourself.

Deep down, I know that too. But do I want to hurt my family along the way? Should I compromise and do something I totally detest just to make them happy?

Things are often easier said than done.

Right now, I just want a hug from him, telling me everything is going to be alright.

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