Sunday, April 02, 2006

Meltdown, life in a mess and things are often easier said than done.

I know Psycho Phil has demanded a 1500 words essay on my yachting/diving escapade for the past 20 days that I was gone, but at this very moment (or the next few months or so), I can't bring myself to do it.

Sorry Psycho Phil, but life is rather difficult at the moment. What with my love life, career and family all in a mess. People, the shit has officially hit the fan. And trust me, there's more shit coming this way. The storm has barely started and I'm facing a meltdown.

Should I do something I totally dislike so as to please everyone, or should I just disappoint my entire clan by choosing something I love?

Am I making my decision because of him, or because I truly love what I do?

Are we going to go the distance, or is this another relationship doomed from the start?

Everyday since I got home (29/04/06) I plague myself with these questions. Things are beginning to get me down, and I'm feeling so down and out. I cry uncontrollably when no one is looking. I smile and put up a brave and cheery front when my family is around, or when he calls me.

Seriously, who can I talk to? Not my family at this juncture, nooooooo. I've confided in a few friends, and the consensus is

Do what makes you happy. You're old enough to decide for yourself.

Deep down, I know that too. But do I want to hurt my family along the way? Should I compromise and do something I totally detest just to make them happy?

Things are often easier said than done.

Right now, I just want a hug from him, telling me everything is going to be alright.

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