Friday, May 05, 2006

Different phases, not compromising dreams and truly happy.

After catching up with a couple of close friends, I realise that we are at different phases of our lives. Well, they are at the same phase while I'm lagging behind. At least 2-3 phases behind.

Not that I'm nervous or panicking about not being at the same phase, I'm just amazed how we are all of the same age, and yet there exists such a huge discrepancy in the stages of our lives. I think about how brave and ready they are to be at that point in their lives, and how I am not ever going to be ready until I have achieved what I have set out to do. For their courage and determination, I'm so happy for them.

Yeah, they are getting engaged. Not to each other, but you know, people in my social circle are starting to get hitched. Not only have they plan on marrying, but the topic of children has been brought up and they are ready for the whole "family" thing. There is even a rough timeline of when they are going to get preggers.

I mean, wow.

I am not ready. And unless I am convinced I am with The One, and he is someone that I am ready to spend the rest of my life with, who will support and encourage me in all my endeavours, and whom I have utmost faith, confidence and love in, (it's a long list) I'm not ready to walk down the aisle and say "I do." Much less have a baby.

-- Lord, no.

I have thought about this very clearly. True, it may have a little premature to be thinking so far ahead when I'm at this stage of my life (jobless and broke) and relationship. But I'm not ready for all this. I am more of the, urm.. dreamy, dropping-everything-to-go-sailing type. I want to do so much more with my life. I still have to fulfil my globetrotting dream.

-- I do love my sailing.

I'm glad I have found someone who is not pressuring me to become who I am not. Someone who understands that I'm still figuring out what I want to do with my life, and still supports me no matter what. Someone who loves me just the way I am, in spite of all my quirkiness. I guess I'm lucky in this aspect.

-- I've chosen my wedding cake.

Before graduating from college, I did not really have the time to clear my head and think about what I want to achieve in life. Not that I have thought about it clearly and have a roadmap or anything, but I know what I don't want. I have taken steps to work towards what I want. There's no point in procrastinating any further because you only live once. And when this window of opportunity closes, when your youth leaves you and ushers in a lifetime of responsibility, it will be too late to start chasing your dreams.

Perhaps some people may think that I am just refusing to grow up and take responsibility like any mature adults do. Whatever, ok. It is my life and I only have 1 shot at this. I do not want to be one of those people who jump headlong into the workforce, get married, pop a couple of children out, and slog like a donkey to pay off all the housing and car loans.

Just because society expects us to.

Just because the whole world is doing this.

At the end of the journey, only to realize that in the end that this is not what I want at all, that would be too late. It would be a great tragedy if we have never set out to achieve what we really want. I don't want to be that person.

I am not saying that my friends are making a mistake. On the contrary, they may have found what they want in life. Some people want to travel (like me), some want to conquer the world, some want to save undernourished folks in Third world Countries. Some just want a family of their own.

-- Beautiful wedding at sunset

And to have this courage, determination to pursue what they really want in life, I am truly happy for the lot of them. May they have all the happiness in the world.

And may all of us live the life we truly want for ourselves.

p.s. but then again, if he DOES pop the question, I won't mind saying yes! With the condition that we go travelling together. No kids yet.

p.p.s. Seriously, that is my wedding cake of choice. Cheapo butter/fruit cake, be damned!

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