Monday, May 01, 2006

Down, lost and all the what-ifs.

Right now I don't really know what to write anymore.

Previously I told you guys I was going to write posts on my incoherent thoughts, irrelevant news from all over the world that you MAY have interests in and silly things that will most definitely bore you.

But right now, I can't. I am just lost for words. There's only a single thought running through my head right now.

I have costed the person I love his most favourite job in the world.

I feel lost. I have never thought that by being close to anyone, will just bring them trouble. I just wish that there is some thing that I can do to make this all better, but it is just not within my power to do anything about this. And the moment I interfere, we will become what the jackass is making us to be: He's with me because he wants to use me.

He doesn't want me to step in either. He feels it's just not right for us to move in that direction.

Things are never that simple and clear cut, are they?

I feel the guilt. And all the what-ifs in the world are crushing me.

What if I had stayed away?
What if I had never gone to work?
What if I had just kept to myself?
What if I had never appeared in his life?

One thing I know from all the what-ifs. He will still have his job. He will still be him.

I will still be me. But we will never have all the wonderful times we had together.

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