Thursday, June 29, 2006

Marc Jacobs + shopping.

(This post was written at least a month ago.)

My love for Marc Jacobs runs deep.

I'm working in this really stuffy office where workwear is very corporate-ish. I wore a striped shirt with a beige A-line chinos-material skirt for my interview. Apparently, I was under-dressed. Plain shirt, plain skirt complete with a fitted blazer would have been more appropriate, I was informed. By Henglee.

Like I care.

I'm not going to look like the typical office lady, who's actually supposed to be in her 20s (according to her ID) but ends up looking middle aged because of horrendous workwear from the depths of hell. I'm not going to look like them.

Hell, no.

Anyhoo since I'm going to work soon, I have all the excuse reason in the world to go shopping. In fact, I've already used this reason CONTINUOUSLY since the day I knew I was employed.

Black blazer so I can have this superwoman, "I'm not afraid of you, you lousy stinking piece of crap who thinks lowly of me" look. The powersuit is key to this effect.

Black is ALWAYS the new black. I lurve black.

I don't mind a white one. I can always pretend that I am at the French Riviera sipping champagne while enjoying the summer.

Gawd, I need a vacation. A vacation in the Mediterranean.

I still need a black/olive/dark grey cardigan. Shocking pink.. should be refreshing in the office.

Can't help it. Air-conditioning gets to me.

A fitting skirt. Not too long because it makes me look like a friggin' pygmy. I don't want to look stumpy when I actually want to impress my boss.

And I think denim mini (check out is widely condemned at the workplace. Even on casual Friday.

And this cute cute black top. Drool...

I saw a similar one at MNG, but due to the fact that I've racked up this shocking amount on my plastic (my mom's plastic actually), the remnants of my conscience (trust me, there's very little left when it comes to shopping using my folk's money. Not very proud of that fact.) reined me in so I had to tearfully (I was wailing on the inside) put the top down and leave.

Damn it.

p.s. All clothes in this post are from Marc Jacobs. Aren't they just swooonsome?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happy birthday to you, dear uncle.

Just got back from dinner not too long ago with you. But before the day is over,


I know you don't read this blog, and I hope to all the gods above that no one in the family know of this blog. But I just want to say "Thank you, and may you have all the happiness in the world."

It's hard, especially during this incredibly difficult time, but I know you will be fine at the end of the day. I don't know how to say all these to you in person because I am not good with words. Sometimes it is just so difficult to put down my thoughts in words. Maybe I don't show it, but if I am half as eloquent as I hope to be, these are just some of the things I want to say to you.

Have the greatest happiest life, Uncle!

Mind drifting, selling out, mind-numbing job and incredible debt.

Now all I can think about is my Sunday outfit. (Answer: My ribbon-tie sandals.) And what I'm going to order for my afternoon tea break later. (Answer: English Breakfast.)

It's a boring Tuesday afternoon and I'm counting down to the weekend. And counting down to the dinner tonight.

Yes, these are what go on in my head after I have officially joined the workforce.

My job is not what I set out to do when I chose my degree. I want to be doing computer graphics and special effects. Something creative and fun. And my plan B was actually something that involved extensive travelling, fulfilling my globetrotting ambitions while working at the same time.

And guess what, I'm stuck in an office doing what looks like data entry work. And the only travelling I do during work, is actually the walk to lunch or the pantry. I guess life pretty much didn't turn out the way I want it to be. I'm staying in my current job for the money and experience. Beats having NOTHING to put in my resume.

I have finally sold out.

When life is so mundane and work is so unmotivating, mind-numbing and lacks challenge, your mind tends to drift to urm, more "after-work" events. Like the date you are going to, or whether you can sneak off work to catch the latest movie in the theatres (Never done that. Yet.) or just really really small things like, "The food at Biopolis is expensive and horrible. Discuss."

Yes, just one month in a job that totally does not inspire you can do the abovementioned things to you.

Not to mention the incredible amount of debt I'm in because I have the "Surely I can afford this because I will get my paycheck at the end of the month" syndrome.

I am bored, uninspired and super duper uber broke.

God help us.

The first person I hate at my workplace.

Queen bitch V.

That's my name for her.

(Will get rather technical. Just skim through and pretend you know what I'm talking about.)

This is the first person I honestly hate in this place. If you want me to check if a person's email is active, I have to call up the email service provider to check it up. I can't just look at the screen and tell you that by having an email address, his email is active. There is such a thing called "account suspension".

If you just want me to check if he has an email account, just say so. Don't try and get smart on me and tell me to see if the account is "active". And don't you fucking raise your voice at me over the phone.

Fucking bitch.

Watch out, and if you EVER be mean to me again, I'll bitchslap you till kingdom come.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I need to get a hold of myself.

Looking back, I realized that over the past month, well maybe the last few months, the only thing that I can talk about is J.

Actually not talk talk, it's mostly just me gushing unabashedly.

I think it's time I get a hold of myself before I gross my friends out. I don't think they want to be reminded of how sweet he is on a daily basis.

BUT he makes me happy so... YAY for me!!!!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Signs to show that I truly love someone.

Signs to show that I really love someone.

1. I actually think his belly is cute.
2. Five o'clock shadow complete with that bristles feel when you run your hand on his face doesn't bother me.
3. I don't mind him wearing berms and t-shirt EVERY TIME we go out.

I don't know. Some people like guys with abs. Or a handsome chiselled face. Or dresses sharp (at least smart casual). I think most normal girls long to go out with guys who fulfil at least 2 of the abovementioned qualities. From previous track records, I was one of them I believe.

I don't really know what has happened to me. Have my standards dropped, or have I just grown out of the phase, or have I become less superficial than before?

I hope it's because I've grown up and become less superficial.

To say that standards have dropped, that would just imply that the guy in question is not good enough for me. I mean, who am I to benchmark a guy's good points against my character, or a list I made up? It is as if I think I am sooooo great that only guys who fulfil a certain criteria need apply.

Hell, I'm far from a saint. I drink till I pass out (some people think it's wrong. I think they just haven't discovered the goodness that is beer and vodka.), I curse, I will probably rack up an insane bill on your credit card if you let me, I can sometimes bear a grudge, and I am sure there is still some other offensive things that I do that I don't list here.

Well, that's besides the point I want to make.

In my eyes, J is cute and I love him heaps. That's all that matters, isn't it?

He is so sweet.

He's so sweet to me.

I came home (parents' place) today and that just meant "little to no webcam time". I was out the entire time, hanging out with the family and by the time I got home, it was already 12am his time.

And despite being tired and sleepy, he stayed around and talked to me because he missed me too.

Awwwwwwww.... Ain't that sweet?

He has since gone to bed upon my insistence, and he has left his webcam (I call it CCTV lovingly) on so that I could still look at stuff. Then again, he switched off the lights and I can't see jack in his living room now.

We see each other over the webcam everyday. In the morning before I leave for work, and the evening when I get back. It's great to see him. It's the next best thing I've got.

And the most important thing? He wants to see me as much as I want to see him too. I guess he really loves me, or he just likes me a lot. I'm not fussy.

I just feel all happy, warm and fuzzy on the inside.

p.s. He sent me roses when I was down. That's just... very thoughtful. And mowing his nan's and stepnan's lawns? That just upped his brownie points by a gazillion.

No wonder I love him.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sometimes I'm just very nutty.

Sometimes, I just wonder when you are going to break my heart.

Maybe I've fallen hard for you, and this makes me feel insecure despite all assurances. You know me, I am usually a confident and well-adjusted person when it comes to other things. But when it comes to relationship, I just feel like I can never match up to some other girl out there who will probably take you away from me.

I don't want you to go.

I know everything is going peachy at the moment, despite the humongous distance cross the pesky continents. And you have told me countless times about how you feel about me. But somehow, I have a nagging feeling that one of these days, be it 5 minutes from now or 1 year later, you are going to tell me things are not working out.

Why is it that I feel so insecure? Then again, I could just be going one of my paranoid and pessimistic stages.

I hope that day never comes.

You know, I just want to live happily ever after. We will prove everyone wrong and be the happiest couple. The couple that everyone thinks, "They deserve all the happiness in the world after all they have been through. It's the greatest fairytale of all."

I think I'm a great big bundle of contradiction. I'm a cynic who wants to believe in a fairytale badly.

Sometimes I just don't know what to think of me.

p.s. I hope you never have to read my crazy thoughts.

Very brief update.

It has been very tough over the past few weeks.

I lost someone very dear to me. I have been very busy with all the events that followed, not to mention that I have just started my new job. I haven't really got the time nor mood to pen down any of my thoughts. Then again, it could be the very fact that words have failed me.

I don't really know what to say, except that I miss her more than I can express. To me, she has never left me at all.

She will always be with me. I see her smile. Always.

I miss you.

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