Friday, August 25, 2006

Recovery, PMS-y, procrastination, farewell, sucks to be replaceable and some friends are not helping.

I'm about 60% recovered from my recent bout of illness. My throat is sore and my voice is croaky and nasal. I hope I don't sound like Fran Drescher. THAT would be a travesty. I am still coughing like a terminal lung cancer patient who has smoked 40 sticks a day for the last 20 years. I can't stop once I start and this is both embarassing and exhausting. Coughing till you are red in the face is exhausting, trust me.


I am getting somewhat PMS-y recently. Getting mood swings EVERY SINGLE DAY.

P for Permanent. Not Pre, not Post. Permanent. Or Persistent. Whichever you prefer. On second thought, I choose Persistent.

Everything is changing and they are not changing the way I expect it, or the way I want it to. So basically life sucks even more than before. Work is still going nowhere, and the Indian Dude pisses me off with his antics EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I know I promised many moons ago that I would write about my workplace but I am busy. And I tend to procrastinate if I do not find the "spark" needed to churn out a super good/verbose post on a particular subject. That's why the post is still somewhat unfinished. And by unfinished, I mean I haven't penned/typed a single word on it. One thing though, I can't believe there is so much red tape involved just to get something done.



Fill in this form. Forward it to Dept A. Wait for Dept A to process and pass to Dept B. When Supervisor C approves, return to Dept A and then proceed.

The inefficiency is incredible.

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My good friend at my workplace is leaving today. No more card playing, no more hysterical laughs at his jokes during tea breaks. Yup we play cards during breaks and it makes life in the office a little easier to bear. I have only been here for 3 months and the turnover rate is just unbelievable. So far 10-12 people have tendered in their resignation and have left/are leaving soon.



Sigh.... Cest la vie.
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Remember my boyfriend aka The Boy from college? Yeah he is moving on. And as selfish, unreasonable and insane as it sounds, I am finding it hard to accept. I mean, I moved on waaaaaaaay before he did and I should not expect him to remain where he was, pining for me or something. But yeah, it hurts.

I was once indispensable, irreplaceable, Queen of his universe. You know, someone who mattered a lot. And now, I'm replaceable, demoted to "just a friend from the past" and meant nothing more than ANYTHING ELSE in his life. And it sure as hell feels miserable to find out about that.

It sucks to feel so easily replaceable.

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And J being away is still hard to cope with. Yeah he has been gone for almost 3 weeks and when I thought I had gotten used to NOT having him around, I was proven wrong. Like a tight slap to the face. (I haven't been slapped so I won't know how it feels but people always use this to describe a sudden jolt back to reality, no?) I feel the most wretched when he was not with me when I was terribly sick. I am angry at this situation. I am helpless about it, which would probably explain why I am really really frustrated with things.

And you know what, some friends are rubbing it in like it is some joke because it is "fun" for them. Yeah.

"He probably won't make it back to spend your birthday with you."
"Maybe you won't even get a card or phonecall because he has no signal at sea."


Thanks guys, thanks. You guys make my life more miserable than it can.



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I have a giant Birthday 2006 post coming up pretty soon. Watch out for it.



This song is on replay in my head. Together with that Breaking Benjamin track. Ugh... the agony of being a mope-ster.

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Cary Brothers - Blue Eyes

Wish enough, wise man will tell you a lie
Window broke, torn up screens
Who'd have thought that you'd dream
Of a single tragic scene

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just want to take it off of you

Cause Blue Eyes
You are all that I need
Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the sweet to my mean

Fess it up, dot on the palm of your hand
I can help you to stand
Saved it up for this dance
Tell me all the things you can

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna be the one that's true

Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the secret I keep
Cause Blue Eyes

All the lights on and you are alive
But you can't point the way to your heart
So sublime, when the stars are aligned
But you don't know
You don't know the greatness you are

Cause Blue Eyes
You are destiny's scene
Cause Blue Eyes
I just wanna be the one

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna get it on with you

Cause Blue Eyes
You’re the secret I keep
Cause Blue Eyes
I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna sing a song with you


I should really stop listening to mopey songs. But you know, like a moth drawn to a flame, I can't tear myself away from all the mopey songs residing on my notebook.

I need to get some new hobbies. Pronto.


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