Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Life sucks, high turnover and well-needed rest.

Life sucks so bad now. I am so tired from work, I don't really know what day it is till I look at the little time/date display on my monitor. And I stare at my monitor A LOT because of my work. This all sucks to high heaven.

It is shocking to say that for the 6 months that I have joined this site (what else can it be but work), more than 10 staff have left. Since last Friday, 3 more tendered and 1 left yesterday.

So does it mean that it's not just me who hate this place?

Despite the incredible amount of work, my imagination is still in overdrive. Sure, nothing major at work but it's all the paperwork that drives me mad. And instead of getting the well-needed rest like I should, I watch thrashy shows on tv and then THINK about all the what-ifs. Not trying to spin them into some "social commentary" you know. Just thinking.

If the woman is preggers, and the man offers to do the 'right thing', should she agree to it? He's marrying her because he wants to do the 'right thing', not because he loves her. That's not the right reason to get hitched. So are they going to go through with it 'for the sake of the child'?? So are they going to be unhappy and try being civil to each other for the rest of their lives?

If A is such a scumbag, why is she with him? Or rather, why are all the women in the world crying over heartbreaking scumbags? All women love bad boys?

If we all die, where do we go? (Don't tell me Heaven because I don't believe in all that. And it would end all my thoughts.) Is it some parallel world, where we can't see them and they can't see us but everything including buildings and all their material possessions and departed family members stay? Do they continue going about their lives? Do they know they have left us?

Yeah, I think about really irrelevant stuff when I should be sleeping.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Volatile moods, depressed, exasperation and imagination gone into overdrive.

Lately I haven't been posting much and even if I have, it would be very superficial things like shopping and bags and whatnot. I am having extreme mood swings and my depression knows no bounds. I can be all smiley and chatty one moment, but when I see or hear something that triggers off that morose thing I've got going on or been suppressing, I go all quiet. For days.

I am being very selfish, because I subject people to my extremely volatile moods. I take it out on people around me. While I do not yell, scream my head off or break down uncontrollably in public, people are still baffled by what's going on with me. They get exasperated. And then they get fed up.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me.

I have been giving J the cold shoulder. And usually I can't last more than 2 days, especially when I get his emails. It has been extremely hard being on my own, and him losing his phone (long story short, his O2 went to sleep with the fishies) does not help things at all. I am not even sure if he realises that I am ignoring him.

I am weird, I'm not like most people. When I get depressed, my imagination goes into overdrive. He could be working his ass off which could be why he didn't contact me, but all I could think about was how I do not matter anymore and how he's leaving me. Brutal truth: I'm borderline insane.

I can't tell him this. He has an inkling of my crazies but telling him all these would mean that he KNOWS my full blown crazies. I cannot deal with that so just let me suppress all that and let me carry it to my grave.

Sometimes all I want is just a little attention. I am not something you turn your attention to when you have time. I am not a toy. But in retrospect, am I just being overly demanding? Because I had a choice. I chose him knowing that his career would be a huge obstacle. I still chose him, therefore I must suck it up and deal with it.

I don't make much sense and I'm just rattling off the top of my head. This is the current situation in my life.

Dream bags, raspberry jam, dangly charms and a desperate plea from a sister.

I think I would like to have a new bag. I haven't bought any this year and I think I need a change. I've scouted and done my homework for quite some time now and may I present the bags that made the cut in order of preference.

Piece de resistance.

-- Chanel's raspberry red quilted bag

I would give up my firstborn beloved pet (should I have a pet) to get my paws on this bag. Giving up my firstborn is a bit harsh because I would seriously love my baby, fake or otherwise, too much to exchange it for a bag. Plus, the baby is a good bargaining chip for many more things.

The yummy color reminds me of the jam I have in my fridge. Or the raspberry goo they put on your McDonald's sundae.

A tinier version of the raspberry goodness.

It is cute!

-- Chanel's tan hobo bag

More functional. Still sporting that quilted look and I like the idea of having a dangly by the strap.

Louis Vuitton has a cute one this year.

The denim mini pleaty! It is cute and I can bring it everywhere. Say, clubbing. Because I seriously need a tiny bag to stash my clutter when I go clubbing.

-- I prefer the brown one.

It looks nomadic, and very very worn out. Not my first choice but the dangly, in this case is the key, looks nice.

My brother,

Your fantabulous sister's birthday is coming soon and the least you can do is to get any of the above bags to make her day. If you are unable to afford them due to financial difficulties (like her), kindly make a donation to "Adopt A Bag Foundation" so that one day, your sister will get to own the bag of her dreams.

Your sister

Crocs (the pseudo shoes) are the ugliest thing on earth.

I feel the need to make a stand.

Ugliest thing. Ever.

I see them gracing plastered on the feet of men, women, children and sometimes an entire family wears the same colored Crocs when they go out. It is heartwarming and a little lame to see a whole family wear the same thing (same goes for polo tees in the same shade) BUT seriously, this shoe or silicon/rubber moulded beast is one hell of a fucking ugly invention.

It is beyond ugly.

Someone must have hated humanity to the core, so much that she (because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned) concocted this hideous design while she was drunk with vodka, rage and vile disgust for the human species.

And someone (the mass of mindless fashion-retarded drones) found the rubber mould to be so cute and "funky" (I hate the word), bought them and let the disease scourge through all of suburbia because it is suddenly so "achingly hip and cool" to have a pair of pseudo-footwear.


Monday, October 23, 2006

Mark Foley, alcholism, Democrats and the blame game

You know what I realized since the Mark Foley scandal broke in Washington?

Folier Than Thou
The po-faced contest between Republicans and Democrats.

-- By Michael Kinsley
Posted Friday, Oct. 20, 2006, at 6:49 AM ET


Republicans Are VERY good at the blame game.

If Mark Foley had an improper, sexually motivated chat with a underaged congressional page, it's the Democrats' fault.
He attributed his pedophiliac behaviour to his drinking problems. So alcoholism makes you a gay sexual predator of children now??
And more ridiculous claims saying that a gay faction of staff hid the truth.

So now, gays, alcoholism and Democrats are to blame for a Republican molesting a child??

And the Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert, apparently knew of these molestations about a year before this scandal broke. Did nothing about it and now he still thinks he did nothing wrong.

Seriously, what is the world coming to?

Spring/ Summer 2007 - Prada

While this is not a conclusion to the Spring/Summer 2007 fashion posts, I feel the need to point out that not everything that made the runway, is good.

Is 2007 the year of Pocahontas?

It is never good if it is the year of Pocahontas. I hope this day would never come.

And while I love satiny fabrics in that cream and burgundy colors, I have this thing against short tops that try to pass themselves off as short dresses.

There was a time when long tops became the new short dress. But short tops that barely cover your crotch, ARE NOT APPROPRIATE and will never be the new short dress. Cool belt though. I will honestly kill myself if this becomes mainstream. I don't want to know the color of the undies.

And granny panties?

Bridget Jones did it. It was cute. But even darling Bridget was embarassed as feck when Hugh "I think he's gorgeous in a disarming way" Grant discovered the huge beige horrendo disaster. As big as granny "parachute" panties are, they are not shorts. And I don't think your bfs would appreciate this look. Not flattering AT ALL. Explaining to them that the editors over at Vogue herald this as THE look does not mean that this look should see the light of day.

Try not to get arrested when you wear your gigantic granny knickers out.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Spring/ Summer 2007 - Burberry Prorsum

It has been quite some time since I've last posted anything. A lot of UNHAPPY things have happened and I'm fighting fire on a daily basis. Ergo I wasn't able to spend time on this beloved creative outlet of mine.

Anyway I thought it is apt to start the blog drought with a fashion-related post. Since I am always busy at work, I hardly have the time to go shopping anymore. I am now reduced to window shopping online, absorbing ideas from various sources like a super hungry sponge before I decide on what DOES IT for me. (Stripes, colors and well-tailored pieces.)

I have a soft spot for Burberry. The clothes always make a person look very 'put-together'. Prim and proper, not snotty stuckup but just... put together like he/she has got it going on. C'mon, if Burberry can make Kate 'Cokehead' Moss look sober, it can save the rest of us.

-- She actually looks clean.

On with the show!

I will start with fail-safe clothes. I only buy fail-safe clothes.

Sure it is boring. It is yet another fail-safe white shirt-dress with details to play down the boringness, but paired with what looks like the best fitting jacket in fail-safe black. Nothing exciting, but there's nothing wrong with the whole look either. Love the details against the white and the perfect jacket.

[If people are here to scout out the newest trends, I think I disappoint. A lot. Because most of the things I cover are the things I would consider buying. Classic things that will never ever go away. Frills and polka dots may be in this month, but they don't suit everyone. Plus they go out of fashion faster than you can possibly imagine. So why bother spending the cash on something so fickle and NOT invest it in something that lasts?

That's my theory. Or how I convince myself to buy expensive boring things.]

The coat.

The rounded collar reminds me of Marc by Marc Jacobs. It is that Madeline thing again. Cute!

The twist lies in those sleeves in my opinion. Or however my power of observation best serves me. The puffiness makes the entire coat more interesting than your other regular ones.

Love the lavender.

It's another shirt-dress topped off with a jacket. But I like the color.

What I do not like.

What is it with shiny materials? First of all, women are not gifts. We do not need to be giftwrapped in gaudy shiny polyester.

And yes, I know you are trying to make this season's focus on the sleeves. Just like how the previous season was on pretty ribbons. I get it. But this is just overdose.

Neither are all women snakes.

This is not a good look.

Tag-Board sucks and Blogger is down.

I am obsessed with concerned about the number of hits I get so whenever I get the chance, I take a look at my statistics.

Lately it has taken a hit and has fallen below the usual 10 visitors per day. Not to mention I had trouble accessing one of my archives. So I decided to just go straight to my blog and check out what happened. Now, I don't do this often because me visiting my own blog will mess up my statistics and I don't want to bluff myself that the 11th visitor is someone new when it is in fact, me checking my own blog.

[The word: bluff. I haven't seen or heard that word since primary school when my age was still a single digit.]

Anyway I digress. Imagine what I saw when I did hit my blog.

-- cPanel prompt?! What in the name of fecking flying fish is that?!

The fecking useless tag-board was messing up my blog! Now weird pop-ups like this appeared, my template was all messed up and I AM (notice the present tense) very pissed.

Tag-board seems to have disappeared, and its website turning into a cPanel crap page.

-- Has Tag-board been invaded?

Now, if users have to start paying for tag-board, or if Tag-board decides to migrate to some place else, or Tag-board no longer exists because of some hostile takeover, I believe users have the right to know. We should be notified! Instead of finding out the hard way, like irritating popups and being unable Tag-board website to remove some spammers' messages on your tag-board, we have the right to know. Be it "All you tag-boards belong to us" or "We have been hijacked by cPanel". Something. Anything. Just let us CONSUMERS know.

Anyway I have since removed Tag-board and I will add Flooble or something to the sidebar when I get to it. In the meantime, let's rejoice in not having to deal with cPanel's login prompt anymore.

p.s. It makes my blood boil when I realise that Blogger.com is down.

Just when I want to post something, it is not available. Do I have to wait till Kingdom come before a really stable and good free blog service is available to all mankind!?

p.p.s. It's weird to include a picture in the "p.s." section isn't it?

p.p.p.s. Isn't it a little presumptuous on my part to assume that the decline of my readership (just you 10 kind souls) is due to Tag-board and not my own writing? I agree my writing is not Booker's Prize material. The content is not stellar nor groundbreaking, and the grammar and spelling are just appalling at times. It's just the everyday person talking about everyday things, with blatant bias towards her own interests. Which she assumes that most people are also just as excited as she is.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sappy songs for the angry soul.

Now, some songs to soothe one's angry soul.

Stars - Elevator Love Letter

-- The video is soooo.. red. It just reminds me of blood and gore and nothing of elevators.

Stars - Sleep Tonight

-- Looking at shooting stars.. I don't know what it relates to.

Anyway this song makes me very sad. Everytime I hear this, it just reminds me of one particular evening. The same image pops into my head and sometimes, tears just roll down my cheeks.

Office politics, Semi Overlord, Dim Bulb and Indian Bitch from the smelliest sewer.

I am seriously pissed off at work. I know I was supposed to share my unbridled "joy" at work a long time ago as mentioned but as all of you know, a lot of unhappy and unexpected things happened this year and I was simply too upset/busy/tired/frustrated (and a whole lot of other emotions) to write about something as unimportant as my office.

Before I begin telling all of you my tales of horror and anger, let me show you the organisation of my team.

Manager (in regal purple) sits far away from us lowly minions because he is too far up in the clouds to be sitting with us.

Semi Overlord (indian chilli red) is the team leader for my team. Dim Bulb (the color of poo) and I (sweet pink) work under him. And we are all under this Manager.

Semi Overlord and Dim Bulb are from the same motherland. Indian Bitch (Oscar the grouch from the smelliest sewer in Gujarat) is from another dept but has working connections with us. They are all from the same motherland, and naturally they speak Hindi/Indian/whatever-language-they-use IN FRONT OF ME BECAUSE I AM TRANSPARENT.

Indian Bitch tells Manager that Dim Bulb is competent. Manager is happy.

Dim Bulb is not competent because things that Indian Bitch tells him to do, he passes it on to me because "he is too busy". And I just found out that he claimed credit for my work. I AM NOT HAPPY.

Semi Overlord is (trying to??) sow discord between me and Manager. We are not happy.

So without going into too much details, Indian Bitch + Semi Overlord + Dim Bulb = 1 Big Happy F8cking Family who gangs up and is bound to destroy me.

I am so tired of work, and if I get pushed into a corner, I will f*cking explode.
I will
  1. Scream at Dim Bulb,
  2. tell Semi Overlord to fuck off,
  3. call Indian Bitch and tell her to suck it,
  4. and list down all the things that have happened, tell the Manager I am disappointed that he is oblivious to all these
  5. and yell "I FUCKING QUIT!" and slap that letter on his desk before walking out the door.

It would be so awesome. Angry, rude and totally confrontational. But abso-f8cking-lutely awesome.

Sleep deprivation, dying iPod, killer haze and regrets.

Is it only Wednesday?

Farkity fark fark.

I am so tired. The week feels so much longer than it should. I am dying of fatigue.

For the past week I haven't been sleeping well. I'm always in that semi-conscious state whereby I KNOW I am asleep but I am still aware of my surroundings. And I wake up every few hours just because.

-- I need Xanax. Lots of 'em.

I go to work all zombie-like, drifting past cubicles with no sign of life.

My iPod keeps my vital stats up at work. Music is played constantly unless someone talks to me or there are phonecalls. Drowning out the surrounding chatter helps me focus. It keeps me alive. But this stupid white piece of overpriced plastic is dying on me. Sometimes it just stops suddenly and I have to off the damn thing, and switch it back on again. Like a true computer engineer.

Plus the forest fire in Indonesia is showing no sign of abating. And the wind just keep blowing those damn haze to Singapore. PSI reached an all time high of 150 on Saturday, and that's not just "Unhealthy level", it's "Dangerous level". My nasal passage stings and my throat is getting scratchy. Am I to die from haze-induced lung diseases? And oh, have I ever mentioned I am a hypochondriac?

This is a true sign of the end times.

Why oh why must it be now? I have yet to accomplish ANYTHING I have set out to do. I won't want to die without doing any of the things that is worth it. I have not explored the Mediterranean. I have not been to China. I have not been to Alaska to see migrating whales. I have not built a home with a loved one. I have not gotten my diver's licence.

Should I die now, it will be full of regrets.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Return of Dim Bulb, incompetency and fatigue.

I had disappeared for a few days and now I'm back. Sort of.

Indian "Dim Bulb" Protege is back from India and frankly, I rather he did not. Ever since coming back from his vacation, he has been idling away at his desk, updating his resume (!?), writing emails on Gmail and using the office phone to call someone for a chat. In Hindi or whatever native language he speaks. I was soooo miffed at his attitude, I took it upon myself to remind him to reply some emails that needed immediate attention.

And guess what? He left at 3pm sharp (morning shift you see), doing less than half the stuff he should do and left without guilt or whatever you feel when you ditch responsibility. There I was, having slogged for a month in his absence, left to pick up the pieces he left behind. Not to mention re-doing the stuff he was supposed to do because there were so many mistakes.

Done less than half the work. Filled with mistakes. Left without informing me what he had completed.

Me = picking up the shiteous work he left behind.

I am so mad, I'm scared that I may burst a vessel and end up with a major stroke.

I am very busy, because not only do I have to finish up his work, I have my work as well. Normal "data entry-ish" stuff, and debugging the stupid servers and the scripts that have sent me to hell. Yeah. Can I just shoot someone now?

My life sucks.

The only thing that has kept me going is my "Alternative Birthday Bash 2006". It is going swimmingly and nothing can make me happier. Well there are a few things, all material, but I shan't diminish my joy with other unnecessary wants.

Anyhoo I'm on morning shift this week so I can relax and type continue this post that I have written LAST week. Yes, this post that you are currently reading was written last week but it was unfinished.

And there I thought, god please don't make my life predictable and monotonous. But as you can clearly see, I can pick up where I left off last week and not miss a beat of my whining. It just confirms the truth that my life repeats itself every week.

Work. Rest. Repeat.

Working life sucks. Sure it feels good to be finally getting paid for doing something, but the loss of any semblance of life is just too great a price.

I need sleep. I need a break.

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