Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sleep deprivation, dying iPod, killer haze and regrets.

Is it only Wednesday?

Farkity fark fark.

I am so tired. The week feels so much longer than it should. I am dying of fatigue.

For the past week I haven't been sleeping well. I'm always in that semi-conscious state whereby I KNOW I am asleep but I am still aware of my surroundings. And I wake up every few hours just because.

-- I need Xanax. Lots of 'em.

I go to work all zombie-like, drifting past cubicles with no sign of life.

My iPod keeps my vital stats up at work. Music is played constantly unless someone talks to me or there are phonecalls. Drowning out the surrounding chatter helps me focus. It keeps me alive. But this stupid white piece of overpriced plastic is dying on me. Sometimes it just stops suddenly and I have to off the damn thing, and switch it back on again. Like a true computer engineer.

Plus the forest fire in Indonesia is showing no sign of abating. And the wind just keep blowing those damn haze to Singapore. PSI reached an all time high of 150 on Saturday, and that's not just "Unhealthy level", it's "Dangerous level". My nasal passage stings and my throat is getting scratchy. Am I to die from haze-induced lung diseases? And oh, have I ever mentioned I am a hypochondriac?

This is a true sign of the end times.

Why oh why must it be now? I have yet to accomplish ANYTHING I have set out to do. I won't want to die without doing any of the things that is worth it. I have not explored the Mediterranean. I have not been to China. I have not been to Alaska to see migrating whales. I have not built a home with a loved one. I have not gotten my diver's licence.

Should I die now, it will be full of regrets.

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