Thursday, March 08, 2007

Dying inside, goodbyes, crazy cab ride and missing J.

I hate saying goodbyes.

I accompanied J to the airport and the hardest bit of all was to say our goodbyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him, making him feel worse than he already did. Trying to smile and remain composed while you die inside is just hard.

Trust me on that.

As much as I don't want him to go, I know it is his job and that is just the way things are. Anyway I am trying to cheer up, and think about him visiting me again.

He will come back home to me. ^________________^


And do you know how to overcome your grief and try not to die on the inside of sadness all under 20 minutes? Try taking a crazy cab ride home on your way back from the airport while you die inside.

Seriously. I was tearing up and trying not to wail like a newborn baby that was forcefully brought out to the world. And of course, trying not to embarass myself in front of the cabbie. Can you imagine how awkward it would be?

"Hey miss, where are you going?"
"To town, near...." *breaks out sobbing buckets*
"Miss, please.. are you ok.."
*Bawls incredibly loudly and repeating "please come back..." over and over again like a broken record*

The cabbie was weaving in and out of traffic without signalling. Cars were honking and he would swerve back to his own lane when other cars came too close for him to switch lanes.

My profound sadness turned into anxiety. My god, I don't want to die on my way home. I sat up straight and focused on how he's driving instead of my intense sadness. By the time I reached home, I was relieved I got home in 1 piece and no puking anywhere in the cab due to my motion sickness problem.


Anyway I miss J very very much so I will be moping a long long time.

-- End of transmission --

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