Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A letter to you (that I won't send).


Sorry if I had been staring into space a lot lately. I have lots of things in my head, many of which I do not what to do about them. Things seem to have progressed a lot, all unnoticed to me. You asked me about 2008. That just caught me unguarded and left me speechless. Ergo, all the thoughts in my head.

I am so not ready for this. Thank you for not pressuring me into giving an answer and the generous amount of time you gave me. The pressure is now coming from me and I guess I'll take my time to figure it out.

I am frightened.

I don't know what is happening in 2008. I honestly don't. I used to think about that and when I heard you said you had never given it any thought at all, I took a step back and controlled my projection. So much so that I stopped hoping for it to happen because I don't see it happening anymore.

But now. You have thrown me off again. I honestly do not have an answer. Please let me think about it. Please don't take this badly. Please don't give up on this. I just want to make the right decision. For our sake.


p.s. I hope you give me a concrete plan of some sort. You didn't exactly ask in those words. Am I thinking correctly about what you are saying? I don't want to make a fool of myself.

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