Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Meltdown, Godiva, fears, grateful and faith.

After my very public meltdown confession about what is bugging me, I have received lots of advice from strangers, friends and family.

[Meltdown is so... Britney. I didn't shave my head, did I?]

Very thankful to all you guys. Shall give out e-chocolates (is there such a thing?) for all you nice people out there.

-- Can you taste the rich velvety goodness of Godiva?

[On a side note, try the Godiva Chocolatte at your own peril. 1/3 through the sinful lava sludge, I thought I was going to swear off chocolate for the rest of my living days. And oh, I could feel my teeth were rotting away the moment I took a gulp.

It's rich, sweet and oh-so sickening after 2 sips.

Yeah. Try drinking liquid chocolate. It's more lava than liquid. Incredibly NOT addictive unless you enjoy the feeling of rotting teeth.]

I appreciate all the help, consolation and suggestions, especially from my Lurve Doc (MBBS University of Melbourne). I shall heed his counsel and stop over-thinking and digging my own grave by constantly dwelling on unhappy things that are all, for a lack of a better word, my unfounded fears.

On another note, I am actually mortified.

-- Seriously. This is a statue of a *mortified* cat from a museum.

People who have not spoken to me in ages, are all giving me that sympathetic “aww you poor thing” look, nodding and giving me pats on the shoulder (albeit virtual e-pat).

[I am starting to love this e-chocolate, e-hug, e-support thing.]

I just want to clarify that I am not playing victim here. I didn’t mean to say that there is any trouble in paradise. I’m just a deeply insecure person with an overactive imagination, who dwells on her unfounded fears over and over again till she’s lost between reality and the prison that is her head.

I'm just writing down my insecurities, you know?

Honestly, the guy can be distant and unresponsive because he’s too upset about his favourite soccer/basketball/rugby team losing the match.

How does a girl read that distant reaction?
“He must not like me anymore”
and weeps till the cows come home.

And I frankly think that I was hormonal when I wrote that entry. It is hard with J being away and uncontactable. I am having a rough time at work. I am so lost about what to do with my life. I have no anchor.

[I can go on and on about how lost I am in life, but that is another story for another day.]

I think I should lighten up and give him a break (he doesn’t know about my crazy outburst. Yet.) since he did not once doubt me nor give me crap get all cranky at me because we’re apart.

He did not once doubt me, so I shall do the same.

Have a little faith.

p.s. Should I even come clean to J about my outburst? I don't want to scar him for life.

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