Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Still overworked, gutless rebellion, travel and panic.

I am still worked to death at the minute. Black Ninja is still superb at vanishing into thin air and my partner is on his 2nd day of emergency leave because his kid is sick.

-- Grim Reaper, why art thou stalking me!?

Life is unfair. Why me?! *shakes fist at sky*

To make time in the office easier, I am playing my songs. I'm the gutless-yet-all-for-revolution kinda person. My act of rebellion? I took out the earphones and I'm listening to it off the speakers. But I'm too gutless to upset the apple cart, so I'm playing the songs as softly as I can. Hey, baby steps.


I'm still listening to my "I have not known true love" song. And "Your Heart Is An Empty Room". My god, is Deathcab THAT hurt by love?

Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home

Well, that must have sucked.

Anyway this post is going to be about songs. Like John Legend's PDA (We Just Don't Care).
Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far

Kissing underneath the stars? Romantic.
Go too far? The guy is up to no good!

He goes on to sing about fire escapes and various trysts in public places. He's either a thrillseeker or sex maniac. Fine line? Discuss.

Just how is this song not rated PG18 or M is way beyond my understanding. It is catchy, I'll give you that. It puts me in a holiday mood despite the fact that shit has hit the fan at work.

I just want to walk on the pebbled streets of Spain or Italy or Paris. Locals on their Vespas whizz by quaint little shops with fascinating stories to tell. The sun will be shining through the trees that lined the cobbled streets and the grass is like a sea of emerald.

-- Palma is by far the most wonderful place I have explored.

Instead of the 2 by 4 cubicle I am currently holed up in.

-- For national security reasons, I cannot take photo of my office.

Have I ever mentioned that I have a great imagination?

I am looking forward to seeing J. The past 6-7 weeks have been tough and more trying than before. I have no idea why. Am I the clingy girlfriend part-time psychopath in the making? Oh God please don't let that happen.

I don't like the way being this dependent. My mood hinges on how much attention I get from J. When I do shop, I almost always occasionally wonder out loud if J would like it. Everything is always "J this, and J that". It drives me insane. It drives people around me insane. I don't like being this way one bit.

-- I think I'm at Phase 3.

Will some alone time be good? Cold turkey helps addicts quit so why shouldn't it work in my case? Does that mean I should spend less time with J? I'm already spending very little time with him, given our special circumstances. What should I do? What does this mean?

What is happening to me?? Is this relationship IT? Am I starting to panic? Have I just said something I never intended to say? Gawd this is too deep for me to figure out.

I feel like the little girl lost. =(


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