Thursday, May 31, 2007

Email, phone calls and convincing.

My day started off like this.

-- Half raining!

Today is a public holiday here and I didn't have anything planned. Just thought I should spend the day at home, just chilling out and resting enough to make up for lost sleep.

The day began gloomy. J called. It was not all rosy as I had imagined in my head. We keep each other updated on our lives primarily through email, since he's out at sea and there's no reception out in the wilderness.

I promised to tell him everything, good AND bad so everything that happened at home went into the emails as well. There are just so much you can write in emails and you never know if the tone of the email goes across correctly.

I get to talk to him every 11 days or so, and I do look forward to it. Nothing special in our conversation, just everyday things like how is his day and how are things on my side. It was good to talk to him today. Given the recent hiccups on my end, let's just say no one is happy and it is pretty depressing to know that people think things will not work out for us.

Convincing him that nothing had changed was probably my way of convincing myself that we would get through this mess.

I spent the whole day stewing in my sorrows.

I wonder who is the one who needs all the convincing. I don't think it was all him.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Torn, and little girl lost.

Finally informed her that I am going to visit J in July. She didn't take it so well.

-- Guess the reason, anyone?

I have not bought my air tickets. And I am feeling so guilty about upsetting her because I want to see my boyfriend and meet his family.

Never knew that balancing family love and romantic love can be so hard.

Little girl lost.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Sneaky photo.

Because Yern was asking to see a photo of J and I, I have chosen this very blurry photo of us taken in the cinema. I think we were waiting for Shooter to start when we took this sneaky photo.

We look EXACTLY like this in real life.

Shopping, posing for photos, letting myself go and messy hair.

Last Tuesday I was feeling down, sad and lonely. I thought I should just go window shopping instead of staying at home and driving myself insane by talking to the walls. And being me, one thing led to another and I ended up buying something.

Check out my new peacoat jacket!

It is sooo cute and I can't wait to wear it. Hehe..

When I saw it, I went a little mad. It is soooo Burberry Prorsum 2007. Check out the puffy sleeves.

-- Trenchcoat with puffy sleeves

I think the trenchcoat looks cute. But being stuck in the tropics, I will die of heat stroke should I add this cute coat to my everyday outfit. Sometimes, sacrifices for fashion = death.

And I'm not ready to die.

-- Cropped jacket with puffy sleeves

Puffy sleeves are not as ridiculous as I thought it would be. It actually looks quite cute in real life. =)

Got a wrap top in navy too.

-- My chest x-ray pose.

I am not good at posing for photos. I just stand still like I'm having my X-ray taken but what the heck, the top is the focus so let's just ignore the fact that I look awkward, shall we?

I am getting sick of my work clothes. Wear, wash and repeat. It is starting to look like I'm letting myself go by not paying much attention to my dressing. I do not look professional at all when I wear my jumper 2 days out of 5 because I am too lazy to iron my run out of shirts.

-- Everyday is NOT Casual Friday.

Wrap top is a good transition. I actually got complimented when I wore this to the office! The guys actually said "Hey you look nice." And that means a lot to me, since guys hardly notice clothing/shoes/bags AT ALL. Plus, they always make fun of how my hair is messy. Hey, I can't help it if my hair decides to go all wavy on me when I let go of my ponytail, right? Right?

I am starting to enjoy shopping again. My flats look pretty beaten up. Next up, I need a pair of cute flats for work!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Recovery, thank you, camera and photos.

Dear God,

Thank you for creating the world, mankind, giraffes, yummy tapas, mojitos, beautiful clothes and something called a "card reader". Without said "card reader", I would have never been able to recover deleted photos from my SD card and I would have spiraled into depression faster than you can say, Big Bang.

Hallelujah for all 102 memories captured as 1-0 bits. (I'm thinking of using snazzy redundant words to describe everyday things. Plus, 1-0 bits? Sooo very technical and binary. Tribute to my roots.)
Hallelujah for smart people who invented card readers.
Hallelujah for freeware from that allows me to recover my precious photos.

The world is now a better place with all my cherished photographs.

Thank you again, God. Till You make my camera screw up again. (Hey You planned everything!)


Guess who's pouting and deep in thought?

Muahaha.. now that my deleted photos have been recovered from my SD card, I can take as many nonsensical shots to mess up the data on the card again!

Ain't life grand?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Lonely, sick, hobbies and marital status.

Today is one of those days when I know I am dying to go out of the house, and yet I don't have anywhere to go and no one to go with. It is days like this that makes me sad and makes me feel so lonely.

So many people around, and yet so very lonely.

J is at work and will not be contactable till tomorrow, fingers crossed. I can't do any of my hobbies (my hobbies include shopping and shopping) because I either lack money or inspiration. I can't go shopping since it will be extremely foolish to spend money now when the annual sale starts next Friday.

I considered brushing up on my photography skills, taking photos with my non-SLR crappy Canon camera. But since my SD card is due to be sent to the Master of Recovery (thanks again jalyhoe!) tomorrow, I thought I should not mess with the data inside and overwrite with more photos.

Never thought I could take a picture like this.

-- My little garden. Or what's left of it.

There are also chores to be done around the house. I have been sick for 4 days, so there are dishes, cups, ironing and laundry to be done. But on the account that I'm STILL sick (I'm going to milk this for as long as I can stand the mess), I will wait till I'm better before sorting out my whites and coloreds.

And then there's the jewellery making bit. I feel bad because I actually promised a few friends that I would actually make something for them. And that was probably 2006. Now that almost half of 2007 is over (one of our friends even got married while I procrastinated on everything), it is HIGH time I do something about it. BUT I HAVE NO INSPIRATION!!!

-- What a sparkler!

[That came out wrong. It sounded like I procrastinated on getting married. No no.. No one asked. Yeah.. it is that sad. I didn't get married because I procrastinated (well.. minor detail). ]I didn't get married because NO ONE FRICKIN' ASKED.

I am so helpless and bored. (And unmarried.)


p.s. It is not fun anymore when people around me start the "hey, you should get married! Then you won't be so lonely" talk every other afternoon.

You people are making me nervous about my marital status! Do I look like I'm ready? I still buy Hello Kitty biscuits like the 6 year old girl in the queue behind me. How can I be ready??

p.p.s. On hindsight, getting married can JUSTIFY the Hello Kitty biscuits purchase. "Oh, I'm getting this for my baby niece" or "They are for my very young daughter" should suffice.

p.p.p.s. Ok I should stop now. Good night people!

Friday, May 18, 2007

My lookalikes.

I took a face recognition test quite some time back and I didn't have to guts to post the results here. Mostly because I look like neither of them. But seeing that Mat has done it, I decided to try it again (and again and again till I do not look a dude) just for kicks.

Call me Mysterio, but I am not putting my photo up here.

Taa-daaa!! Just think of me as 1 part Matsu Takako and 1 part Rosario Dawson. Just so you know, 2 beautiful people hardly make a decent good looking one when combined.

Ok I'm off to sleep. My meds are making me woozy. Hope my psychedelic pills make me dream of J tonight!

[That's my meds talking. You know I would NEVER say that out loud in real life. It's just playing in my head, in loop. ]


I am sick. Stricken with high fever and bacterial tonsillitis. My bones ache and I can't eat food because it hurts like sand scratching my throat when I swallow.

Sick people look pale but the last time I checked, I looked gloomy. That is NOT a good sign. I hope I'm not dying yet.

-- Gloomy me.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sicily, Youth Group and happiness.

Sometimes when I feel like running away to some remote island, and living out the rest of days in pure happiness, I think of this song.

Youth Group - Sicily

Babe, let's move to Sicily
Just you and me
and the Mediterranean sea.

I work on a scallop boat
that would keep us afloat
the sun would burn my throat.

You lie beneath the shade
writing songs all day
into the summer haze,
and in the evening
we go stealing
out beneath different stars.
Night would hold us
and gently fold us
we'd lose our minds
in tiny bars.

We never argue
'cause with just us two
there'd be no point to.
They need a surgeon
'cause in this version
we become one person.

And in the evening
we go stealing
out beneath different stars.
The night would hold us,
and gently fold us,
we'd lose our minds
in tiny bars

Technically, I wouldn't really look forward to either J or I working on a scallop boat till the sun burns our throat. But we don't have to be crazy rich to live happily ever after, do we?

I can dream.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Last day, late, indifference and trouble maker.

Newbie's last day in the company is tomorrow and I look forward to the liberation with anticipation.

Ever since he failed to retract his resignation the very next day after he tendered (gossip galore!) he has been coming to work late. If he starts at 7am, he shows up at 9am. If he starts at 9.30am, he turns up at 10+am.

To him, his last day was 30 days later and he could not give a rat's ass about work. I don't really mind either, since most people just come to work and cross the days off the calendar once they have tendered. He could have just surfed porn for all I care, or check out his motorbike forums and eBay biddings. I really don't care.

-- The magic date

But to come to work, and write all kinds of nonsensical reply to clients, and disrupt the flow of things, is a big no-no to me. If you don't want to help, fine. Go surf your bike porn or something. Don't write rubbish to clients and send more crap my way.

Ever since his indifference, I have had to clean up his mess, handle calls from confused users/helpdesk asking what the fuck his emails are about, and answer to Higher Powers why "issues" are happening. No dear sirs, there are no NEW issues. He is just being a dick.

-- The worker bee decides to go on strike.

Why do I have to be the one to explain his mess to the clients? My team leader just dumps all the work on me, doesn't show up for work and I have to run the team. I have nothing good to say about him.

If you don't want to work and just want to sit till your days end, cool. Just don't create more shit that people have to pick up after you.

I'm so glad Newbie is going to f*ck off tomorrow.

Missing photos, stupid Ixus, weepies and data recovery.

I had one of the worst weekends EVER. I was feeling really low about my relationships with people and I thought I would cheer myself up by sorting out the photos I took when I went to the zoo.

And guess what, most of the good photos I took of animals and pictures of J and I went missing mysteriously.

[Seriously I have such contempt for Canon Ixus 750, I wish it will just morph into the Panasonic Lumix FX09 that I lost on my Graduation Tour 2006 in Sydney. ]

I will not wish the Ixus a fiery death (though I secretly wished it just for a second), since that will mean I have lost use of another camera. I will have to fork out YET another sum of money (which will better serve me in the bank or paying off my shopping bills) to buy a camera. This doesn't make sense. I'm broke enough.

-- Camera burning, anyone?

I will just keep my fingers crossed that my Ixus goes through evolution like chimp to man, and turn into a Lumix with anti-shake and a power bar that actually tells me how much battery life I've got.

Is that too much to ask, Canon people??

So yeah, after the loss of precious photos, topped off with the feeling of utter helplessness in my current circumstance, I broke down. Completely. This happened on Sunday afternoon, around 4-ish pm.

-- I'm pretty sure I wailed louder than she did.

By 11+pm, I was still at it. I was exhausted from the crying. As much as my eyes were hurting and burning, I couldn't stop. I had a serious case of the weepies. I didn't know how, but I fell asleep with tears smudged all over my cheeks and I still do not recall HOW I fell asleep.

(Do people cry and sleep at the same time? Or is this one of those "cry yourself to sleep" thing?)

I hope I do not get the weepies again. It is just too tiring. And I'm too old to be making a scene. Good news though, I got my vendors to help me recover the deleted photos from my SD card using their powerful recovery software out of pure goodness overflowing from their hearts. For free. Ain't friendship grand?

[Thanks in advance, jalyhoe!]

Do you get uncontrollable weepies too?

p.s. When the powerful people has recovered my nice photos, I will write something on my trip to the zoo. Gear up for pictures of chimps and polar bears!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Feeling down, family, poisoning and back off.

I am feeling down in the dumpster.

My boyfriend is off to work, my family is still unwilling to acknowledge him and wants me to date other people and I still haven't figured out how or when to tell them that I will swing by Gold Coast some time in July to meet his family.

I just don't understand why people just won't get along. J asks me how my family feels towards him, to which I always reply they just don't like his job, and not him personally. It kills me inside everytime I have to answer this. I can't tell him the ENTIRE truth. It hurts.

If only they will take a chance and get to know him.

Mom is going on and on about what will happen if I have kids and unfortunately divorced. How he will never be faithful to me and how no one will be there for me because I'm so far away. Hello? I'm still here and not married. What the fuck is going on? I hate being caught up in all these.

I am not pregnant, married, being cheated on and on my way to a nasty divorce. Why aren't they happy for me? J is wonderful to me. We're still figuring things out and we actually need support from people. And if no one has anything nice to say, please just shut up and stop poisoning me.

I have issues. Everyone who visits this site knows this. I may just snap and just off my balcony. It's a long 25 storeys down and I'm pretty sure I won't survive.

Everyone, just back off if you have nothing nice to say.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Oreo cheesecake bliss.

The perfect treat to end a VERY LONG day?

Oreo cheesecake and a hot mocha. Bliss.



Monday, May 07, 2007

Imagination, emails, ending, the Marrieds and Stardust.

I didn't know that you, my dear friends, are so interested in my love life. The open ending was meant to get your imagination going wild.

But I received text messages all the way from Aussie (not going to name names, but Jo, I will let you know if ANYTHING happens, ok?) on my phone, and people whom I hardly talk to on MSN messaged me Congrats!/Tell me the ending!/I'm dying of curiosity!/Don't EVER leave the ending hanging!

Wow guys. Just wow.

After realizing that open endings do not sit well with friends, and the behemoth that I had created (please, stop texting me at wee hours in the morning), the ending has been written and posted.


No one is getting married or betraying the sisterhood by joining the Dark Side, the Marrieds.

No. Don't worry. When that time comes, be sure I will be shouting from the mountain tops so all the people in the land will hear about the joyous occasion.

p.s. Has anyone read the book Stardust by Neil Gaiman? Is it me, or is it meant to be a tragic teenage love story set in the meadows that is somewhere near LOTR's Shire? I can't help but feel the story was narrated by Samwise "Gay" Gamgee.

Pretty things in pretty box.

"Like them?" he asked enthusiastically, even though he looked a little worried.

She took them and placed them in her palm. "Thank you. They are beautiful."

He smiled and sighed a huge relief, and probably thanking the greater powers that be for getting a gift that his girlfriend liked. She was smiling, happy, relieved and yet the slightest tinge of disappointment was creeping up in her at the same time.

She put the pretty things back in the green pouch and back in the pretty green box.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Tiny green box.

She nearly choked when she saw him placed the tiny green box on the table. There was no mistaking it for anything else. The green box with the white ribbon.

"Is he kidding?" she thought. She took another gulp of her beer, darting nervous glances at him and the box.

"Open it."

Her grip of her mug of beer tightened. She could not believe this was happening. She took another swig of beer and pulled on one end of the ribbon...

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