Monday, February 11, 2008

My grandma.

Every time I see an old lady, her kind face wizened with age and her back bent from age and perhaps labour from yester years, I can't help but feel so sorry for them.

-- Taken from

Every time I see them sitting by themselves at the market, fumbling to find money for the noodles they just ordered, I wonder why they are alone. I worry, because the floor can be wet at the market and they may slip. Sometimes they just sit there and watch the world past them by. They must feel so lonely.

Every time I see the old ladies, I think about my grandma.

It is heart wrenching to see her in her big hospital chair, not because it is her favourite chair, but because she's weak from her stroke and the chair keeps her posture upright. The big chair is heavy so it won't topple over should she shift her weight.

Nan has gradually lost the ability to walk. She used to be able to walk with her walking aid as she got stronger from physiotherapy. She had a little trouble with short term memory then, but she could still recognise us and talk fondly about the times when I was still a child clinging onto her leg while she cooked in the kitchen.

I talked to her this Chinese New Year, and she didn't say much. And when she did, she was mumbling and her words were slurred. Grandma forgets us sometimes, and she mistook me for my late aunt when I sat next to her during New Year.

It is sad to realise that I'll never see my dear nan going for evening walks, pruning the flowers in her little garden nor cooking up a storm in the kitchen.


Doug said...

Rach! How dare you!

These women and old people in general have lived full lives. The fact anyone makes it past 40 is a freaking miracle.

This sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself and projecting it upon others. Look into the heart of the problem.

Now, that said, seeing old people lose their minds is depressing as hell... but you have to revel in their early years, which as it turns out, are the ones yo are living now.

Rach said...

Hi Doug,

your comment shook me. It makes me wanna tell my boss to f*ck off, slam my resignation letter on his table and fly off on a veeeeery long but well-deserved vacation.

I have been surviving, but I haven't been enjoying every bit of my life.

more jesus comics please!

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