Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Life with(out) J, being lost and my OCD.

J has gone back to work last Wednesday, and about 24 hours later, he was safely in his cabin and starting work in 6 hours' time.

[I would probably need the help of God Almighty, standing next to bed pulling me up if I had to work 6 hours after my 24 hour journey.]

-- I'm a stalker, monitoring the exact time that plane departs the airport. At the comfort of my home of course.

Believe me, it hasn't exactly gotten easier to send him off at the airport.

It feels strange to not see him waiting for me at the lobby every lunch break.
It feels strange not to have someone beside my almost 24/7.

I can't help but feel a little lost. I'm on my own again. I have grown so used to the "two of us" and now when I'm back to square one, it feels like something is wrong. I find this quite unsettling. Have I lost the ability to be independent?

-- Me time. 24/7.

[There was a time when I celebrated having the luxury of being alone. You know, having a bit of a breathing space? A funny true story. The kind with awkward laughs. Heh.]

I have always been on my own. I lived alone since uni days and I love every minute of it. Yes, the bills kill me every month. Like yesterday when I paid $300 for utilities and broadband. F*cking standards of living. My paycheck is not where I want it to be but hey, I'm paying for my own things and I'm officially not getting a handout from mommy and daddy anymore.
Yay for me?

In spite of this triumph comes the loneliness. There are times when I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to or someone to go out with because I can't get anyone at short notice since everyone's working/tired/busy/accompanying their other half.

I try to keep myself occupied, which explains why all the cleaning and laundry have been done. I'm a clean freak because of all these years of solitude. I clean to past time. I even developed OCD.

[I hang my towel perfectly so neither side is longer than the other. I organise my clothes according to colour, in ascending shade of the color. I fold all my clothes to all approximately the same size so they stack up nicely into a rectangular block. Not blob. Tell me that isn't OCD.]

Gawd, it's strange to be alone again.


Sleepy Scott said...

So your being alone has led to cleanliness? It certainly doesn’t have that effect on me. When no one else is around, why clean? I will be the only one to see the mess, and I can deal with it. I use the time I once spent on cleaning for napping, or some other non-productive pursuit.

Good luck with the jackasses at work.

Rach said...

i am a neat freak. plus cleaning is exercise right? Cardio is good. Punching the buttons on Wii no longer cuts it.

I have a feeling jackasses shall inherit the earth.

Thanks for reading

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