Friday, September 19, 2008

I do not understand the appeal of leggings.

For the life of me I cannot understand leggings/tights or why it is so rampantly worn as though they are pants.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Like a very bad case of flu or as I would compare it to, The Plague, it spreads among fashion victims who choose to wear them in public as pants. Under large t-shirts, oversized blouses, dresses and everything else in between.

-- Lindsay Lohan tops the list of Leggings Lovers United.

Where do people get them from? Leggings are like stockings, except maybe thinner and you can't wear them in winter to spare your legs from the harsh piercing cold. They come in various lengths. Oh, they also resemble compression stockings hospitals hand out.

Are they socks? Are they underwear? They are not clothes clothes, right? Where do you find them in a departmental store, footwear, lingerie, or hosiery? Can you get them the podiatrist's or chiropractor's office?

-- Same difference.


The Leggings victims are everywhere. I see them on my way to work. I see them when I go for lunch breaks. I see them on my way home. I see them in town on my days off. I can't seem to escape them. Thank gawd for the dress code at work because I don't think I can stand sitting next to leggings clad 30 year olds.

-- Edgy. Nothing like dressing yourself while in a drug induced haze.

My eyes have been assaulted for far too long with horrific images of leggings, curves, non-curves and outline of body parts I have absolutely no interest in finding out.

Like that time when a strong gust of wind lifted a oversized blouse that wasn't long enough to cover everything. Or that time when the, urm, middle lady adjusted her leggings in public because urm, it went to places it wasn't supposed to go. Oh god.

-- Exactly how I feel, Stewie. Exactly.

For f*ck's sakes, put on some regular pants or skirt. Or blood constricting tight jeans if you like the shrink-wrapped "oh my god I can't feel my legs anymore" feeling around your thighs. Or puffy ski pants even if they are ugly. Just cover up, and that goes for the 40 year old aunties and the 15 year old Miley Cyrus wannabes.

Please, for the love of mankind and sunshine, stay away from leggings.

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