Friday, November 21, 2008

The weird things that are going on in my office.

I've read Cracked.com's article on 6 Emails You Get When Your Company Is About To Go Under. Just thought I would expand on that based on my own experience.

Yeah, my company is giving me very bad vibes. And if they are NOT going under, then they really suck as mass communication.


1. Increase in company-wide emails

Usually we receive emails from the CEO once every quarter to update staff on how well the company is performing blah blah and interviews the management had given to various news outlets blah blah blah.

Now, I receive emails from the CEO, CFO and human resource almost every other day. At first, it was all "the company has reported strong growth in this quarter", "we will ride out recent economic downturn" and "we are united and a family".



Now it has become "the company has reported strong growth in this quarter but a drop in profits", "we will do our best to cope with recent events", tacky one-liners such as "I'm counting on you" and THAT email from HR on maternity leave review.



Bad vibes rating: 3.5 out of 5


2. Strange behaviour from managers

They are usually missing in action doing something really important somewhere in the office building. They will only come to you when clients call them directly to enquire about progress on some initiatives or projects. They come to you because they don't know.

But they have started pacing up and down the office. I won't think they are strolling while in deep thought or checking the carpets. Are they spying on us?



And why the f*ck are they asking us to write our KPI (key performance indicator) for this year 2008 when there are only 5 weeks till 2009?

Oh, "to justify the current head count to HR." So if I really suck at essay writing and do not come off as 'absolutely necessary like oxygen to living breathing human beings', does it mean I go into the "retrenchment" pile?

This sucks.

Bad vibes rating: 4.5 out of 5 (I'm assuming they are doing a bit of walking to walk off breakfast/lunch/tea. And I got As got essay writing since young. I should be able to BS my way through.)


3. Sudden unscheduled meetings

The same group of managers mentioned above suddenly calls the team for a meeting. That will start in 5 minutes' time. And it's lunch break now.

We are talking about the same group of managers who leave on time for lunch is suddenly holding a meeting during lunch hour. Hmmm it does make you wonder what can be so urgent, doesn't it?

Bad vibes rating: 5 out of 5


4. Changes in stationery

We get annual planners for the next year right about now. This year, instead of a leather binder with 1 day a page planner like every other year, all we got were a(nother) lame lanyard and a "planner" best described as a notepad.

-- Say byebye to corporate planners.

Well at least they are not stapling stacks of paper and passing them to staff. Yet.

Oh, only permanent staff get them. Contract staff are staring at us in disbelief.

Way to inspire confidence by way of stationery, which can be loosely interpreted as "You're not exactly part of the family so no stationery for you". *Golf claps*

Bad vibes rating: 2 out of 5


5. No replacement

Quite a few colleagues have left but the company has yet to fill the vacancies. And they don't seem to be actively hiring.

[Confirmed in item 3 above. Managers said there is a freeze in headcount. I don't know why but in my head, it's more like body count Hot Shots style.]

There is that merger that has pissed me off to no end. Right now we're at least 5 staff short, and our "commitments to the clients" have grown as per stipulated in the contract the company made with the clients. Our workload has increased, just like inflation, but our paycheck remain the same.

A game of musical chairs to the tune of Psycho shower scene.

F*&K THIS.

I'm so depressed I'm listening to Angela Lansbury's Beauty & the Beast on repeat. Ahhhhh love will keep us alive.




Links:
Cracked.com - 6 Emails You Get When Your Company is About to Go Under


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