Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Of washroom habits and social decorum.

Something has been bugging and disgusting me for ages and I'm not exactly sure how to put them into words. And that thing called social decorum gags me every time I want to pen it here.

But after today's ordeal I shall break my self-imposed silence on the topic.

The thing about working in an office is, you have washroom with cubicles. At any one time, you may be in there doing whatever you need to do while someone you know is in the cubicle next to yours. This is going to get gross.

-- Howdy neighbours!

I can't understand why people would answer their mobile phones in the loo. The phone rings, and you should just cancel the incoming call to focus on your business. But some people don't. And they multitask in one of the grossest ways known to man.

Why would you flush the loo when you're on the phone? And one can only deduce what the question is when you say, "Oh I'm just flushing the toilet."

-- Hey honey, what's for dinner tonight?

Goodness me Woman. Just shut the frak up alright?

Second thing that grosses me out to no end? The Surround Sound effect.

It is natural and something small, but the sound of your business, especially after the Indian Curry Incident can be absolutely mortifying. For you and anyone in the same room.

Bodily noises are perhaps one of God's weirdest and most hilarious jokes, but walking out of that cubicle to face a couple of your colleagues who obviously heard you can be awkward.

-- Gawd I feel like some of this butter chicken right now. Grossly inappropriate moment.

I think toilets everywhere should be up to Japanese standards. The kind that has a fixed seat temperature, washes you and then blow dries you. Oh they come with noise cancelling features.

Why do we not have this everywhere?

All the above pale in comparison of what's to come next.

Being in the office means your fellow toilet sharing colleagues are at least above 20 years old. But sometimes the state of the toilet just screams untrained monkeys trapped in the cubicle.

Fuk Woman, you sit and you go, capiche? No fricking half squat ok? That way I don't have to scrunch my nose in absolute disgust and horror when I chance upon remnants of your misfiring.

-- Blair is my heroine.

You're not a dude. You don't have to aim. Even the guys can't aim after decades of practise, much less you. Don't try it. Just don't bother.

Finally, the stake through the heart of all etiquette and hygiene? You hear the Woman flush, see the Woman walk out the cubicle and OUT THE WASHROOM.

Oh my frigging gawd!!!!

I guess it does not make polite conversation.

One of man's greatest invention - link

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