Monday, April 06, 2009

Things Snow White should be more careful about.

One of my all time favourite cartoons is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

-- Classic beauty who talks to animals

The first feature length Disney animation is without a doubt the purest and most ingenious masterpiece.

Snow White personifies the most innocent and probably most unsuspecting character of all time, committing numerous no-nos according to modern standards.

1. Love at first sight.

Well it still happens but she was totally head over heels with tights wearing, crooning adult male who just scaled her backyard wall.

Maybe she wanted love and affection since we all know the Queen is too besotted with her own beauty to care for her stepdaughter.

-- Tell me I'm beautiful or imma going to smash you

In modern times, any strange man who climbs over your backyard wall, especially if you're a teenage girl minding your own business, do not hesitate to scream, Twitter the trespass and call the cops. In no particular order. If the phone has been cut off, at least your online friends know. Falling in love with a potential criminal who just scaled your wall is just too Stockholm Syndrome-y to be accepted in today's society.

2. Home invasion

After befriending all the woodland creatures that she met, Snow White was led by the animals to the dwarves' home. It's an impressive cottage, considering that it was built in the forest by very short men.

-- No noon sun. Surrounded by greenery and private pond. Enquire within.

Snow White goes into the home, commands the animals to help clean up the shack, which one would have to agree is filthy. (If only we humans can convince the animal kingdom to clean up after us. We can put men on the moon but not train animals to clean homes. Pfft.)

She cleans, makes fun of their names, takes over their bedroom and sleeps across 3 of their beds.

3. Staying with strange men

Snow White sleeps across 3 of their beds.

Girl, you do not do that in a stranger's house. You'll end up drugged and pregnant. Missing a limb while a shadowy group of dodgy men rule over your life and dump you out on the streets begging for pennies.

4. Eating a magic apple.

We all know Snow White takes a bite of the magic apple and falls into a deep sleep.

It sucks but when strange men and women offer you scrumptious goodies, try not to accept food from strangers. Even old grannies. Especially old grannies who give off sinister vibes.
You may wake up missing some organs. Or deadsies.

But I guess the world has become a much crueler and dark place since 1937.


Snow White - To relive your childhood, watch it here.

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