Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Unhappy listlessness - Population 1.

I find myself, apathetic towards almost everything these days. I used to be passionate about politics, rights, travel and what life has to offer. I remember I wanted to do something creative, maybe draw, create or being a part of something fun. Make special effects or throw myself into animation.

I have no idea where that person has gone to.



Now I'm part of the shuffling shadow in the busy train station that is life. I go home, go to work. Repeat. I am miserable and I don't quite know what to do about it.

I can't say if work has finally got me down. It is depressing and perhaps at the most opposite end of the creative spectrum. Let's be honest. I don't want to sugarcoat how I feel even if people at work are reading this. I'll still give my 100% at work but it still doesn't mean this is my dream job if you get what I mean.

I buy joy. Every time I feel depressed I go out and look at everything that's pretty. They are beautifully packaged, smells nice and the shops are always clean and bright. I feel like my life is in control every time I buy something. You see, I have a choice.



Life, however, doesn't present itself with that many choices. And even if there are choices, you keep looking for the option that's not on the table. "To put up with inane requests, or stand up and take whatever retort for refusing" Are those the only choices I have?

dol·drums (dōl'drəmz', dôl'-, dŏl'-)
pl.n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)
1. A period of stagnation or slump.
2. A period of depression or unhappy listlessness.
3. A region of the ocean near the equator, characterized by calms, light winds, or squalls.
4. The weather conditions characteristic of these regions of the ocean.

(from reference.com)

I guess, 2?

I hope I'll snap out of this soon. I want to feel strongly about things again.


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