Monday, March 30, 2009

A snippet of my Monday afternoon.

5.40pm - Thought that colleague and deceased ex can't be anymore different.

Colleague and Deceased Ex share the same name. For a long time I refused to say his name unless necessary nor stand working with him because the one simple fact that I have to address him makes it difficult and painful.

5.43pm - still motherfricking raining. All this gloomy and clammy weather brings me down.

5.54pm - I'm hungry. The cafeteria is closed. Downs my 2nd cup of coffee. May have lost all sensation in mouth due to scalding. Then again, I won't have to endure the pain the ulcer on my tongue is giving me. I bit myself last week and it is now a full blown ulcer. I talk as if I have palatal lisp. I'm an idiot.

5.55pm - Wonder why it isn't 6.55pm instead. I wanna go home.

5.58pm - Attempts to will myself to get back to my work. I have documents to update but my mind is hijacked by nuptial thoughts. I can't believe wedding photography can costs $6000 for 1 day. That's more than what I earn in 1 month!

Motherfricking overcharging art nut.

6.03pm - Obsessing whether I should custom make my wedding dress. J wants me to. We went dress shopping over the weekend. He said the dresses at the bridal shop are pretty, but rather tatty too.

My heart swoons that he paid attention during the fittings. I thought he was just fiddling with Sudoku on his Blackberry while I sucked it in as the sales assistant zipped me up in a dress that was perhaps 1 size too small.

6.04pm - The hour hand has moved to 6! I'm so excited. Countdown begins. Oops it also means that my attempt to update all the frigging documents had been successfully hijacked by wedding thoughts.

Then again, I get only 1 shot at wedding. Word documents can be updated any time, right?

6.16pm - Semi writing my monthly report. Loathing how bad it makes me feel. I do stuff but not necessarily milestone-y enough to put in the report. It makes me feel useless and dispensable. Self doubt cripples me.

6.20pm - Resolves to be more hardworking.

6.32pm - Mouth aches. I have 2 ulcers due to stupidity. And I think 1 tooth is being pushed inwards by growing wisdom tooth. The dull ache is friggin irritating and frustrating. Totally get why teething babies cry so much. And why people rub alcohol on babies' gums to soothe the pain. Contemplates copious amount of booze when home.

copious amount of booze VS my body is a temple. Let it begin.

6.39pm - Googled "wisdom tooth". I'm not looking forward to a wisdom tooth extraction. The 2 molars are so big. Big = pain = big gaping holes.

I am so helpless. And a wimp.

6.40pm - I may be dyslexic. I just typed "wismod tooth". Fug. Better proof read my resume again.

6.43pm - Suffering from crippling heart palpitations. Stupid cup of joe. Totally reminds me of why large amount of coffee murders me.

6.50pm - Finishes 2 reports and yay for me! I get to go home. I have a short attention span. I can't just work on 1 thing at 1 time. I type up a section and move on to another task, switching back and forth. I open up 2 browsers, Lotus Notes, several documents and run half a dozen applications. And I complain my desktop is slow.

It IS slow!

7pm - Time to leave! And publish this post.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Corporate greed, sheer madness and my impending depression.

HP is cutting wages of EDS staff by yet another 10%. EDS is technology services business group of HP. This came after an initial paycut of 5%.

HP imposes more salary cuts for EDS employees
-- Posted by Sam Diaz @ 3:09 pm

Citigroup. The one that almost toppled over. The one that unashamedly took taxpayers' money. That one.

Citigroup to Lay Off 65 Office Cleaners
-- 3/26/09 at 4:11 PM

The company has decided to lay off 65 office cleaners as part of their "cost-cutting measures". The same company that is having ongoing renovations to its building while paying out millions to execs who drove the company to the ground.

I shake my head in despair. Why is it that companies continue to screw lower level staff as part of their "cost cutting measures" while the top executives continue to draw millions in pay and bonuses?

Why aren't bonuses taken away from those who have led us into this plight? It seems that the everyday man has stepped in with his tax money to save these sinking "too big to die" companies, but yet it is also the everyday man who gets screwed 5 ways before lunch while his money is going to pay for the director's uber posh B&O phones installed in their personal loos.

Thus far my workplace has yet to cut wages but it is apparent that the ship has a few gaping holes.
We no longer "deserve" allowance because we are "complacent".
We can no longer claim time off because our customers are not paying the company "the extra man-hours outside of contractual working hours".

[Do you know how much the company is charging clients per hour outside of contractual hours? If I remember correctly it's around $150. Given every time sh#t happens, at least 4 engineers are around for at least 3-6 hours. $150 x 4 x 6 = $3600

And yet the company is still not paying us, citing we do not deserve this.]

However we must still fulfill our contractual agreements the company has signed with the clients, which roughly translates to "you must work overtime without pay and go the extra mile for our clients".

We are the lowly engineers who slog and get paged incessantly from 2-7am in the morning. We know the economy has gone to shits. If you are upfront about the company's direction and intention, I'm sure the staff will rally and go on with reduced wages in the (sliver of) hope that when the economy turns around, the company will not forget the staff who has stood behind the company and driving the business out of the mire.

But no! We are told we are complacent. We are told that our extra mile doesn't count in our appraisals. We are told to take on more responsibility for the same pay while the management is constantly reminding us that we do not deserve our fair share of pay. We are being screwed in every single way the management can find.

I wonder how long before my clinical depression is confirmed.

The world has stopped making sense. The madness and greed have ignited a depression that wears everyone down. And yet the execs are not paying for the mistakes they made. The ones responsible are still being paid as part of their "package". The disgrace.

Shame on you, corporations. Shame on you.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The return of Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl is back and gawd that is akin to spring shower bringing sweet relief to this hot humid furnace of a climate.

Seriously I'm so glad to get my weekly dose of Gossip Girl. And of course I was smirking laughing and hugging my head in utter dispair and exasperation after last night's episode.

[I wrote this post last week.]

But Dan Dan Dan. Sigh.

1. Passing notes.

WTF Dan. You are in Gossip Girl world. You text. What's with the note on matching stationery? You're in the middle of a rehearsal so where did the stationery come from?

UNLESS of course you totally planned on passing her notes. And thought fine stationery impresses the ladies. (Well it does, if we're going through a Victorian phase. Otherwise you're just trying too hard.)

2. Rachel "Mary Kay Letourneau" Carr

You're the holier than thou "I can't stand gossip it's pointless!" Teach Across America farmgirl. Then you proceed to dress in skanky outfits that are too short and tight while prancing in front of Dan. Your student.

Which led to you hooking up with your student who's presumably at least 6-10 years your junior.

In the costume closet.

Hey Ms Iowa. F*ck off.

3. Wrist kissing.

But he would so do that. Because his literature filled soul would deem that romantic. And most of all, his lit-filled soul who is in the middle of The Age of Innocence would so lift the plot.

And Rachel "Mary Kay Letourneau" Carr would so appreciate it.

4. Chuck Bass

Elle is a whore who caters exclusively to a club of rich and powerful man. Why does he want to run off to Brazil with her?

Chuck Bass can have anyone because he's Chuck Bass. He would never grovel.

5. Yellow purse

Of course Vanessa would get a neon highlighter-yellow giant purse that clashes with her outfit. Because that's so totally creative and "I throw fashion rules to the wind therefore I'm artistic".

Vanessa would so definitely do that.

6. ESPN vs books

"I like ESPN and you like... books and movies."

Classic. Nate is proving to be the giant pretty amoeba we all know.

7. Cultural relevance.

"You're as empty as the Federal Reserves"
"I should have gone with mercury poisoning"


8. The twist.

Chuck was told he "has a good heart" and should find someone good. And he returns to Blair's home to wait for her. OMG the return of the lost sheep.

And nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ! Carter Baizen puts his claws on Blair's knee.

I groaned and whined to my brother, who was oblivious to this episode because he was WoWing. I don't think he understands my exasperation.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Coldplay Viva la Vida concert rocks.


When the song came on, it was probably the only time I sang in public.

The Scientist

Tickets? $191
Traffic to the concert venue? Total pain
Dinner? We missed dinner and sat stood throughout in hunger
Going to an awesome Coldplay concert? Priceless

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Peter Bjorn, Young Folks and cheery whistling.

Peter Bjorn & John - Young Folks

If I told you things I did before
Told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?

I did before and had my share
It didn't lead nowhere
I would go along with someone like you
It doesn't matter what you did
Who you were hanging with
We could stick around and see this night through

Now isn't that the sweetest sentiment?

I can't get the whistling out of my head. Lovesit!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Morbid post.

How does one deal with death?

I guess it takes time and the ability to digest the fact that the person will not be around anymore.

Saw someone yesterday who had an uncanny resemblance to him. It was a little shocking but more bittersweet if anything else. It has been almost 4 years since he left, and I wonder if friends still think of him.

It is never easy to understand when the young and spirited are taken away from us. They have so much to achieve and so many people around them who love them. His parents are still grieving for their son and he's sorely missed.

Aunt has been gone for almost 3 years too. The family moves on, but it just never is the same without her.

Their numbers are still in my phone. Their email addresses are still in my contacts. They are still here, but not really here anymore.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Facebook changes its homepage to be Twitter.

I just logged in to Facebook and guess what, the homepage has been changed. AGAIN.

Because Facebook can't buy Twitter.

C'mon f*cking Facebook. You just revamped your layout and service much to the dismay of your users. It blew up in your face and you had to publicly apologize. Even though you weren't going to revert to the old layout.

It's like every freaking new edition of Microsoft Office. They change the positions of the buttons, add new and unnecessary features, take away what is useful and alienate their customers who have supported them over the years. People keep going back to you because of familiarity and the gradual ease of use. They have gotten over the learning curve and is comfortable and competent now. And now you throw them back into the deep end? Way to treat your customers.

-- Can I help you? How about disappear?

And then there was that Facebook's Terms and Conditions scandal. Remember that Mark?
On February 4, Facebook revised its Terms of Service, a document it is legally permitted to update AT ANY TIME WITHOUT INFORMING USERS. Users demonstrate tacit acceptance of the Terms by continuous use of the site.

That means that the terms keep changing even though they are not the ones we originally signed on for or agreed to. Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC) was preparing to file a formal complaint with the Federal Trade Commission over the social network's updated licenses.

Facebook, we are Facebook users and not Twitter's for a reason. We don't really want to know what's on their mind 24/7.

Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and the entire Facebook team, be original and beat Twitter at its game. Outshine it, not f*cking emulate it!

Facebook, you are pissing everyone off.

10 reasons not to upgrade to Office 2007 - article
Facebook's real-time homepage goes live today - article
I hate the New Facebook group surpasses 500,000 - article

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Why I dislike Dan from Gossip Girl.

I'm suffering Gossip Girl withdrawals and even started watching the show all over again. From Gossip Girl Season 1 Episode 1.

I don't know what's worse: watching it from the start, or telling the whole world I'm doing that.

After watching the entire season 1 of Gossip Girl about 2.5 times, I've concluded for a couple of thousand times that Dan is a very very dislikable character.

[Spoiler: Season 2 more than strengthens this observation.]

Why I Dislike Dan.

1. Outing his sister's boyfriend.

Dan despises people who contributes to Gossip Girl, disregarding them as nothing but hateful gossipmongers who have nothing better to do than to spread rumours while he buries his face in King Lear.

And yet he outs his sister's boyfriend to Gossip Girl because Little J refuses to listen to him.

Hypocrite rating: 3 out of 5 yogurt splats on the steps

2. Making out with another girl after fighting with his girlfriend

Dan and Serena has a fight about a video clip and her mysterious behaviour. Dan walks off straight into the company of Sarah (aka Georgina) and the 2 spends a night in his room. Fight and make out session happen on the same day.

Hypocrite rating: 3 out of 5 yogurt splats on the steps

3. Blaming Serena for his make out session

The 2 decides to talk it out. Serena says she's willing to let the make out thing go. Then Dan starts telling Serena how things are not working out because of all her lies, regardless of her intentions. (Serena previously lied about sleeping with someone else to hide the truth about the video.)

Dan broke up with Serena at her mom's wedding. Seriously, you can't find a better time?

Walking away from each other = cool off. Mmmm so making out with another girl makes it even? Making out with another girl while still being in a relationship (sort of) is ok?

Hypocrite rating: 4 out of 5 yogurt splats on the steps

4. Outsider on the inside

Dan is the guy who has been on the outside since... he started schooling. To be accepted by his peers in school because of Serena makes him uncomfortable. Despite his repeated "oh gawd I can't stand these rich and famous kids and all the attention they get", he still attends every single social event. Even bringing guests of his own like Vanessa, who also shares Dan's disdain for the UES kids.

-- Wow look at how lame the UES kids are!

Dan whines about the overpriviledged but secretly enjoys the perks of the super influential. Can someone say hypocrite?

Dan and Vanessa belong together.

Hypocrite rating: 5 out of 5 yogurt splats on the steps

5. Pompous nerd

Dan is one of the brightest students on the show/ St Jude's. And I don't think he hides it. He's always throwing offbeat literary references when he's talking to his friends. Serena knows Chanel, not Chauncer.

-- Wow, we read!

It's as if he can't beat the priviledged at legacy and preferential treatments, so he uses his intellect to trump the rich kids. When you can't win, join them with your preferred weapon. Dan, you're no different from the rest.

Hypocrite rating: 3 out of 5 yogurt splats on the steps

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

8 months to go.

8 months till the Big Day.

I am not hiring a wedding planner so I have to do everything myself. It is exciting to plan a happy event your closest and dearest are attending. You want everything to be special and perfect.

-- Swoon

Which is why I've been buying wedding magazines for research.

It is absolutely fantastic when you buy your first wedding magazine. The dresses, decorations, invitations and flowers just blow my mind. I want(ed) lanterns, bird cages, scattered rose petals and parasols and the whole nine yards to make the event special.

-- Double swoon.

Then reality strikes.

[Damn you Martha Stewart Weddings!]

You have to find a vendor, haggle prices and give clear and precise instructions to the vendor and the venue manager to put said lanterns up. And this still means that things can go wrong. Lanterns are cheap, but labour isn't.

Parasols are $10 a piece, so if you have 50 people attending, you are stuck with a $500 bill (before taxes and delivery charges) for 50 bloody paper umbrellas that you are not going to use after the event.

So pretty, yet such a waste. Sigh.

I've decided on a little personal touch, and being cheapo thrifty, it became a little DIY project. I'm cutting 120 butterflies.

Jebus christ.

Mistake number 1: I forgot to copy the image, flip it left to right to COMPLETE the entire butterfly. I've printed all 90 HALF BUTTERFLIES on construction paper. Fuk.

[I ran out of construction paper so I only printed 90 out of 120. Lucky?]

Mistake number 2: Decided to fix Mistake 1 but folding construction paper in half so I'll cut 1 WHOLE butterfly. Realised construction paper too thick. Butterfly came out wrong.

Mistake number 3: Decided to fix Mistake 2 by tracing outline of butterfly onto the construction paper. It was fun and easy for the first 10, but no so fun for the remaining 80.

I swear my fingers lock up after snipping 20 or so of these things. And I'm only at 90 or so butterflies since starting in November (don't ask).

8 months more to go. More shenanigans to follow.

Grad Student is such a pain.

Grad Student has become one of the greatest jerks of all time.

With the upcoming nuptials and The Greatest Tragedy that struck J and I, I haven't been too concerned about office personalities and politics of late.

I haven't had much friendly chats with anyone, nor confide in colleagues about The Greatest Tragedy because I see no point in it.

Guess what happened?

  • Grad Student boycotts me,
  • instigates the rest of his mod squad to do the same,
  • being a total prick when it comes to work responsibilities (i.e. surfing soccer sites and not responding to a single email).

It doesn't bother me because I've got more than enough crap going on to deal with, but it sucks for common friends to have to choose.

This isn't primary school, nor is it very grown up. If friends join me for lunch breaks, Grad Student sees it as change in 'allegiance' and starts being mean and snide.

This is highly unprofessional and horrid coming from a colleague.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Death Cab for Cutie and sadness overload.

I'm a huge huge fan of Death Cab for Cutie. I'm still kicking myself for not being able to get tickets to their show on tiny island state.

But this is just a whole new level of sadness my poor tiny self has trouble accepting.

Death Cab for Cutie - Grapevine Fires


This is not something you want to watch or listen to when you're depressed. All the psycho pills in the world aren't enough.

However I can't recommend their new album "Narrow Stairs" enough. Sadness overload. Do not play on sad rainy days.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I said what?!

Recently in local news, a 35 year old educator had an affair with her 15 year old student. She called the cops when he got all possessive and threatened her family's safety. She is married with 2 young children. It was all over the news.

Me: OMG, a 35 year old woman had an affair with her 15 year old student!
J: (perplexed) Why would a grown woman have an affair with a 15 year old? How could he be any good at it?
Me: (without hesitation) Maybe her husband is really crappy at it.

You should have seen the "I can't believe you just said that" look on J's face.

I have found my dream dress.

Dream wedding dress alert!!!!

I want to walk down the aisle in this ethereal timeless masterpiece.

Radiante from Pronovias, Barcelona.

please please please please pretty please?

I wonder how much Photoshop I need to look like her. And how the flying fish am I going to get the dress!?

Pronovias - Official site

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Things I Learnt From Sex and the City (the movie).

I enjoy Sex and the City - The Movie. It's girls being crazy together, drinking margaritas in fancy dresses from resort collections that cater to people with loads of money.

If you ever wonder why girls go the the washroom in a horde pairs, it's camaraderie.

-- All the colors of the rainbow.

But there were times during the movie when I wished the world were this perfect.

Miranda has awesome employer who understand work/life balance. Otherwise it is almost impossible to meet for a decent meal in the middle of the day at a poshy restaurant in that outfit. I transform into a mad woman by 11am. My hair does not look like this.

-- Apparently my office has something against cleavage.

Plus "I need to take urgent leave to fly off to Mexico for a friend" is totally understandable. Awesome employers will value friendship more than money.

-- All for a friend.

It is acceptable to shriek in a poshy restaurant when your gal pal is engaged after dating the guy for 10 years.

Carrie has heaps of clothes and bags and fashion knick knacks. And they all magically fit in her tiny walk in wardrobe.

-- They all go there.

My employer will buy me a Louis Vuitton bag because I love it and I'm too poor to afford one.

To beat other applicants, tell your interviewer you came to the city for love. The Harvard grad can suck it.

Labels and love. If a scumbag stomps all over your poor wretched heart, a beautiful Chanel bag and DVF dress will ease the pain.

You will make it big in NYC. If Samantha, Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte can jet set, it can't be that hard for the rest of us. And guys, if you want to end up with a glamourous lady, you need to be earning a fair bit or has a very cushy trust fund to finance her weekly Manolos therapy.

-- I must admit it is gorgeous.

Vivienne Westwood will give you an exquisite wedding dress if you look ravishing in it.

Pronovias or Vera Wang people, if you are reading this, I will be radiant in your dresses. Please send me one.

Love, eternal gratitude and forever a fan of yours,

Pronovias - Official website
Vera Wang Weddings - Official website

The Penguin, trials and tribulations.

Things can only get better from this point. You know what? That's absolutely not true.

Work has taken a turn for the worse. The Teletubby Penguin planted her foot into my project.

-- The Office Penguin is fugly. Unlike this cutesy wutesy fluffy thing.

Oh, Teletubby Woman is now known as The Penguin. Because she walks like one. And why do I have have the feeling I'm in Gotham City? You know, dark and foreboding metropolis rife with crime, grime, corruption, and a deep-seated sense of urban decay.

[I got the last phrase from Wikipedia.]

Half-assed Newbie tendered resignation. Means I have to retrain The Penguin and her half-wit team mate.

One of the customers is being a total dick. If your subordinates do not give clear instructions, then don't make me write an incident report for something so small and operational and totally unrelated to me.

-- Rat to my mom then, crybaby

Half-assed Newbie made a mistake but I have to write an incident report. Account deleted? Just restore it. Just when it couldn't get worse, The Penguin waddled over to ask "Have you read the email? What are we going to do?" and then effin told me to be more careful in future. Farking assholes. I hope they burn, fall or something. Bloody hate their guts.

Anyway you can tell from my previous posts that I was going through something unpleasant. J and I just survived a very very scary event and God must be pissed that we are not in perpetual trouble, and decided to empty bucket loads of (un)holy shite on us. Talk about trials and tribulations.

I can't believe that I'm considering retirement at 27+++. I don't want to be a full-time useless sponge, but I would gladly accept the option of NOT having to work. I want a choice. A chance to tell the management to go eff themselves for screwing employees over, the customers to shove it where the sun don't shine and then stomp off without having to worry about rent, bills and food.

If only things were this easy.

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