Tuesday, January 12, 2010

2012 is utter nonsense.

I guess by now, everyone is too busy with Avatar (3D!!) so it's time for me to write something without worrying about giving any plot away.

I'm considerate, and actually there is NO plot to 2012.

It was over 2 hours of explosion, confusion, poor predictable dialogue and perhaps some of the most insulting stereotyping of characters ever witnessed by my retinas.

-- "Say whaaaaaaaaat?" The crazy man knows best.

Instead of feeling triumphant and full of hope for whatever comes our way come 2012, I came out feeling sad. Because humankind should have been wiped out for being this uninspired and stupid.

Things that are insulting.

1. "Only in China"
Only in China could the governments drive locals away or enlist them to build large ships in the middle of the mountains.

Only in China could the money ripped off from the richest be ENOUGH to fund the construction of large outta this world ships that will ultimately save mankind.

Only in China could the world turn its head away as selected few board the arks while the WORKERS WHO BUILT them were left behind.

That's not right.

2. Russians
They are rich, fat, speak heavily accented English and have blond young girlfriends who carry tiny dogs.

Russian men prefer their blond girlfriends to have boob implants.

And the young blond girlfriends have affairs with young blond dashing limo drivers.

That's not right.

Things that just... defy logic.

John Cusack must have God's undying love and He's watching over him the whole time because he survived a volcano, flood and snow.

He drove away from the biggest megavolcano known to man in a rickety camper van.

He weaved between falling buildings in LA and despite all the bumps, no airbag was deployed.

He sure could swim in tiny nooks without air.

And of course immense water pressure had no effect on him.

The guy who was DEFINITELY a better husband than John's character Jackson, DIED to make way for Jackson's family reunion.

A tiny little plane could DEFINITELY fly out of the pyroclastic flow unscathed, even though the entire city of Pompeii was incinerated in its steps.

Guy who took the occasional flying lesson could land an Antonov aircraft.

The motley crew survived Himalayas with just the clothes they had on their backs, you know t-shirts and what not, BECAUSE THEY ARE EFFIN SURVIVORS.

-- These guys overdressed.

Of course they had lungs of steel to inhale cold air in this atmosphere and had no problems
1) running away from bad guys
2) running towards what they thought could save them

Why did they build a SHIP when they could have built a submarine?

What would power the huge ships while mankind wait for Earth to recover? Hope?

And no EPIC flood subsides in less than 2 months.

And no EPIC supervolcano eruption does not spew pyroclastic clouds enough to cover large landscapes, bringing acidic rain with it. No, because with Jackson around, rainbows and beautiful sunrises were aplenty to greet his (new) family.

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