It's been a hard June and July for yours truly.
My dearest grandma left us on 30 June peacefully in her sleep and I am still trying to make sense of the fact that she will no longer be with us. Grandma is all well and with my dear aunt now, and I miss them dearly.
While I would give anything to have them back, I think grandma may be in a better place now. She's no longer bedridden and trapped. In pain but unable to tell anyone. Then again, if I could have both of them back, they would be healthy and all sprightly again.
I've been swamped at work. I think I'm choosing work so I'd be too tired when I'm home to dwell on things. Then again, it no longer becomes a choice when you spend 14 hours writing and re-writing a report because your boss "doesn't think that word sits right".
I want to feel normal again. Whine about work, lust after clothes and dream about far-off vacations. Then why do I feel so bad and guilty whenever I look at something pretty? "Grandma just left and I'm thinking about Chanel?!" just goes off in my head and I overcompensate by working on a heavily modified report.